R and R

Okay, so I'm a little slow.
I didn't want to use full names...something about being that exposed in cyber land.
So I gave everyone a abbreviation. And for 2 months, I've blogged.
And today I realized I've used R for both my husband and my son.
Since my son is still in Haiti, I haven't had to write about both of them at the same time.
But it's going to get confusing. Which R am I talking about? Could be weird. I hope she's not talking about her husband or they may have a parent/child relationship?
So then I changed R to Re...that should help. Then I thought about changing all the past post.
And then I realized how much time that would take.
So here is my solution. A five minute blog entry. Son is now Re. Husband is R.
Clarification for all...Next I'll take on global warming. Which does exist. Recycle!

Christmas Pictures...

Snow, Ice, Snow...beautiful! We were concerned our Dogwood trees in the front may not make it. But they recovered well.

Christmas with R's family. Everyone headed out to meet the Fire Department's Santa for candy canes. Yep, my father in law wore that hat all day. Just a happy little Santa helper, he is. A Norwegian, cigar smoking, Santa's helper.

This is what the holidays does to our family. Makes a little kooky. Maybe it's not the holidays, we just had an excuse to take a picture of it. We won't talk about how grown up C looks in that dress. She is still our LITTLE girl!

I apologize now for posting a picture of R in his robe. I should have made him get dressed. When your photo's go in a box, those details don't matter as much. When your posting for friends and family to see...maybe it's best to get dressed.

P got a bike for Christmas. It's pink, and she loved it. She then had to wait a week to ride it. It was mean. She finally asked if she could ride it in the house. Hmmm...no!

C got a mountain bike. It's a big person bike. Like I could ride it. But she is still our LITTLE girl. She was more patient waiting for the snow to thaw.

They also got the cute pj's they are wearing, and gifts from each other.

I'd post picture of R and I's Christmas gifts, but we haven't gotten them yet. Yeah...it's kinda sad. We planned on getting bikes. Were not big into surprises, so we were just going to get them together. It's New Years day tomorrow. And we haven't gotten them. Probably should that. Soon...

Tomorrow is R's birthday. I surprised him with a great gift... I'll share more tomorrow.

Christmas Past...

Ahhh Christmas...
I'm sad to admit it flew past me and I don't think I got much out of it this year. I don't feel the usually afterglow. Or like I understand who God is anymore, or what he's done for me. I don't think I feel any closer to my family. I think it just pasted on through my life, almost unnoticed. I really don't know why.
I think at least part of it, maybe a major part, is the feeling of being an incomplete family. Last year, our children weren't ours. They were an idea. A possibility. A wish, a dream, a prayer. This year they are R and Er. And they weren't here. They didn't have presents under the tree. We didn't see them in their Christmas outfit. We didn't wake to their laughter. We know them, and yet we don't. We are their Papa and Mama, and yet we aren't the arms they cuddle in.
We knew we'd have to wait. We knew we'd have Christmas without them. We knew we'd have a hard time with it. But it's harder than we realized. That's all.
Maybe we were taken back by how much harder it was then we thought it would be. We went Christmas shopping. We walked by a rack of toddler Christmas dresses. We looked at a couple of dresses, for Er. And suddenly we were both almost in tears. We didn't want to ship her a dress. We wanted to put it on her ourselves. We wanted to know we were closer to bringing them home.
And yet- God is GOOD... all the time. Even when we don't 'feel' it. Even when we are out of sorts. Even when the day to celebrate him is bittersweet. All the time God is GOOD. With or without our children here. Today, Tomorrow and the next day God is GOOD. He will be good the days we hear nothing. He is good the days we receive good news. He is no better the day we get to bring our kids home. He remains the same...
I'll post happy thoughts on Christmas, and photo's tomorrow. There were good parts, we had a good Christmas, we enjoyed C and P. We ate way too much, spent time with family, and played wii. Stayed tuned for the other side of the coin. Just keeping it real...

Christmas...

Christmas was good...I'll write more later.
God is good, all the time! All the time, God is good!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
God's Grace and Peace to this blessed season.

December Update

Okay, so I'm finally getting around to posting R & Er's December update.

"Rémy and Erlande are adorable children with a loving, playful nature. Rémy is in school much of the day, so I do not see him as often as I used to, but he is doing very well. The other morning before school, he and several of his friends were playing with a flattened cardboard box they had found. They pulled several playsets and chairs together and used the cardboard to make a roof for their little house. The boys were running around and laughing and scrambling to get a good position inside the house. However, as soon as the teacher arrived, Rémy and a few of the other boys raced off, trying to be the first to reach the classroom and welcome their teacher. Rémy is doing very well and he is a happy little boy.

Erlande is also doing very well and enjoying life. She has the most precious little smile, especially when she knows she is at the center of your attention. Erlande is certainly a little girl who is thriving here at GLA with all the love she is receiving. Erlande is quite confident and comfortable with herself and is able to decide what she wants to do and do it. Erlande loves her nannies and the older girls who care for her, but she is not dependent on them being nearby and will go off and play by herself when she wants to. Erlande and Rémy are doing well and will enjoy the holiday season with their friends here at GLA." -Melanie

Rémy
Weight: 45 lbs
Height: 43 inches (109 cm)
Adoption status: pre-IBESR

Erlande
Weight: 24 lbs
Height: 30.75 inches (78 cm)
Adoption status: pre-IBESR

Remy also got to attend a Haitian Dance Schools performance of The Nutcracker. He received a new soccer ball! I'm sure he was as excited about the new ball as the actual dance performance.

We are hopeful that we will hear after the holidays that our status will change to IBESR after the beginning of the year. We know that the adoption coordinator was working on getting files ready for IBESR before the holiday break- and hopefully ours is one of those. IF it is filed before January 9th, then we will not be required to get a presidential disposition from the Haiti government. While this is very possible-it is one more step in an already long process. So pray with us that our paperwork is able to be filed in the next couple weeks.

Pie... The most amazing apple pie EVER

I'm making this pie for Christmas. Last year I decided I was going to master making pies. I'd never managed to make a pie crust worth feeding to a hungry dog. Every attempt turned out awful. So last year, I found a recipe for pie crust from America's Test Kitchen-my favorite cookbooks. They test to find the best way to make something - and it's usually pretty dang good. So I made it - following the directions exactly. Which is NOT how I cook. Recipes are a guideline- but not to be followed exactly. Except with pie crust- follow exactly or it's horrible.

I made quiche, and it turned out okay. I made another one, and it was better. The neighbor brought over rhubarb, and I did a strawberry/rhubarb pie. It was ugly looking, but tasted pretty good. Then I tried apple pie, and it was good. I mean GOOD! The pie crust was perfect.

It was everything a pie is suppose to be, and it made me happy to have 'figured' it out.

Then I found this recipe on Pioneer Woman's website. It's apple pie on steroids. Well, not quite, but on caramel, strudel topping and nuts. It's amazing. Every recipe I've tried of hers is good. Check it out. I even want to try her Prune Cake. Made with prunes- but she makes it sound delicious.

Anyways- back to making pie today. I still use the America's Test Kitchen pie crust, and the Pioneer Woman pie recipe. Still can't follow a recipe exactly... but man the results are amazing.

My pies are still ugly, no matter what I do. I crimp, and the crust shrinks. But the great thing with this pie, I make the strudel go over the edges and it's a rustic look and no one knows I can't make a pretty pie. It's takes so good, no one cares if it's ugly looking. It's so good, no one cares if it has a four sticks of butter in it. It's so good, forget the pumpkin pie and cheesecake. It will knock your socks off...

Cabin Fever

It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing!

And I'm still loving it. Yep, I'm not tired of it. I shoveled the walk this morning and enjoyed it. I went out shopping yesterday, no problems driving. If anyone needs a ride -let me know.

But I do know that cabin fever is starting to set in. And in the day of Internet - I don't think we have any idea of real cabin fever. Not pioneer days kind. Not even no cable TV kind. I figured all of those stuck inside would be exploring the world wide web. Here is a couple of my favorite sites, good for a laugh.

Cake Wrecks - oh, how I laugh. I'm not sure what makes a badly decorated cake so funny, but it is. Check out cupcakes from today's post...

Oh, Oh, Oh...it is so funny. And her commentary is the icing on the cake.

Passive-AggressiveNotes -Okay, I'm not sure what makes me laugh about other peoples unhealthy way of dealing with conflict. Maybe it's that I missed living in dorms, or am married to a man who can exhibit such behavior. Maybe it's the years spent in corporate america, where passive aggressive behavior is awarded with promotions. But here's a new favorite.

I love the cartoon kitty drawing. I love the Pro -Tip. I'm wondering what credentials you must have to call yourself a pro at showering. Is this a college level class? I'm also thinking that if you have a roommate that has showering issues- maybe the shower isn't the best place to leave your note. A white board where rebuttals can be written is a better approach. This site if PG-13, maybe even R. So beware before you open in front of your kids.

I have a few others, I'll share some other time. But these two will keep you from going crazy today, remind you of a world where cakes are badly decorated and people have other issues than snow to deal with.

wii...

Wii had Christmas with R's family today. And wii got one family gift (vs. a bunch of small gifts, and toys that are discarded by March) and it's a wii. wwwwiiiiii - were not usually a gaming family - but wii've had so much fun playing on my sister in laws wii had to ask for one.
And it's fun to say wii... we = wii... wwwwiiiiii...
It was a fun day, and it snowed. And the kids played in the snow. And we had cigar -o- thirty, in the snow. And we watched the dogs play in the snow. And we had hot chocolate, and watched it snow. We played more in the snow. We chained up the car, in the snow. Yeah for snow on 'Christmas'.
Growing up we always had snow on Christmas. We spent Christmas with my Nana and Grandpa John. They lived in rural eastern Oregon. We'd open gifts, eat lunch, then load up to go snowmobiling. We'd spend our holiday snowmobiling. It was so much fun. So the snow today brought back fond memories of hours spent in the snow celebrating the holidays. I'm not sure how snowmobiling celebrates Jesus birth - but I'm also not sure how eating turkey does either. Or how playing Rockband on the wii does either. But it sure was fun.

R's first lost tooth!

It seems that R lost his first tooth. Love that beautiful grin. Here is the story that goes along with the picture, per Molly at GLA.

'Arron lost a tooth yesterday morning. He was so proud and could not wait to show it to Joyce and I. We were elated for him and “wowed” over this big moment in his childhood for several minutes. Instead of quarters the kids get a piece of candy for their teeth… an unusual trade, but they seem to like it. When R saw that Arron had candy, he called him over to help him with his loose tooth. Joyce saw what was happening and tried to intervene, but by the time she got to them the work was done and with a very large, very bloody gummed grin R proudly handed over his tooth and asked for a sucker. '

Check out GLA's website for more of what it going on at the orphanage. Kidz Korner is where this story comes from.

If a mom's hug had a smell, it would be the smell of baking bread.

I made my Nana's bread today. Because having 9 kids wasn't enough to do? No, because I needed some comfort. I was feeling the stress of being a mom to so many, and I no longer have a 'mom ' in my life to support me during those time - I did the next best thing. I made my house smell like fresh bread.

We lived with my Nana for six months. In a old farmhouse, four miles from a town with under 200 people in it. The nearest grocery store was 45 miles away. So we made our own bread. Every 3-4 days, out came the bread bowl and the house smelled heavenly.

I learned to make bread watching her and my mom make bread. It's not something one makes from a recipe. You learn how hot the water should be to proof the yeast. You learn how much flour to add. How long to knead, how to tell if it's raisen enough, how to make a loaf. It's handed down, mother to child, Grandmother to grandchild. I had CN help, and she is starting to figure it out. It was exciting to see her willingness to help me.

Making bread connects me to my mom and Nana. It reminds me of thier love and support, and that they would be here if they could. It transports me back to a time in my life when I knew no different than to be surrounded by thier wisdom.

I needed to knead my frustrations out, to smell yeast proofing, to feed my kids something I had made, to eat 'real' bread for dinner. If you've never made 'real' bread - your missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures. It's right up there with sitting in a hotsprings while it snows, sex on a Tuesday morning, really good chocolate, perfect strawberries, and the David Crowder Band.

So tomorrow, when there is no school because it's cold and wet- I'm going to make Chicken Noodle Soup. Which I'm sure I had homemade soup as a kid- but have no emotional attachment to it at all. I just told my mother in law I'd bring it for lunch on Saturday. But my kids love it. They will probably have an emotional attachment to it. I sure make it more than bread. And it's almost as good.

We recieved our update for R and ER... I'll post more tomorrow. Here are pictures though.

It's snowing!!

It's snowing. It's beautiful. Lovely...

I'm sending the kids out to play in it.

I'm staying in. Snow is most beautiful from the inside of a warm house.

The question is...how long will it take to suit everyone up?

Ready, set, go...2:45pm and counting.

2:51...coats on most, snow pants on some, hats on all.

P upset her shoes aren't tight enough.

Everyone distracted by TV.

2:55...snowpants on all, coats not zipped yet, P shoes still too loose.

2:57 minutes...someone has to go potty, take off coat and snowsuit.

3:00...finding gloves, putting back on snowsuit and coat, P decides shoes are tight enough

Yeah, so it has stopped snowing. The irony!

Send them out anyway.

3:02...starts snowing again, P ask CN to use her gloves. CN makes snarky remark.

I tell P to use them and CN gets mad.

3:05....everyone except P ready to go.

P still looking for gloves.

3:06...P finds gloves, finally ready to go.

Open front door, burst of cold air comes streaming through.

Push kids out, go change poppy diaper.

10 minutes of quiet...ahhhhhhh

Redneck fort...

We moved when I was 7 to Oregon, from Nebraska.

In a BlueBird Bus.

My dad took all the seat outs except one.

All our worldly possessions were loaded in the back.

And westward we went.

It broke down in Wyoming. Dad sold 2 guns to pay for the parts to repair it.

It broke down in Idaho. My Nana came and got us.

They had it towed. And the tow truck dropped it down a small ravine.

It stayed in storage for a year.

They had to sue to get damages covered and buy a new fridge.

They had it moved to our backyard.

It stayed there for 10+ years.

Yep, 10 years.

It was extra storage. It was a hay barn. It was fort. It was a make believe house.

It was a bus, in our backyard. The possibilities were endless.

We pretended to 'smoke' straw. Stole a lighter from Nana. We should have blown up.

An old bus with a tank of gas, full of dry hay, and kids with lighters. That's grace. folks.

We built tunnels with the hay. We made a 'house', couch, beds and all.

My dad sold parts off of it. Little by little it was dismantled, engine wise.

Everyone knew our house in the neighborhood. It was the one with the bus in the backyard.

Even in a small, redneck town - that stood out.

And it was a great hiding place for hide-and-seek.

It was a great place to make out.

It was a great place to storm off too.

Yeah, I did have an 'interesting' childhood. Don't we all?

Did you? What makes other peoples childhood interesting?

Oh yeah...making out- that was hypothetically speaking. I would have never done that.

There was a hill in town for that.

Snow!!!

It snowed last night and yesterday...school cancelled, of course. Five extra kids and a stranded house guest makes for a fun day. We bundled up and went out to the school yard to play. For 20 minutes. Now it took 15 minutes to get bundled up. Then almost 10 minutes to walk across the cul-de-sac to the school. 20 minutes later, it took 10 minutes to walk home and another 15 minutes to unbundled everyone. Then another 20 minutes of warming up and hot chocolate. So no hurry to repeat the experience.

Snow makes me miss my hometown. The beauty of fresh snow. The way it makes the world look new overnight. The sound of it under snow boots. The pleasure of riding a sled. The snowball wars, the snow forts, hiding a snowball to bring inside and shove in the freezer for later. What I don't miss...scrapping ice of car windows, piles of dirty snow on the side of the road, listening to studs on the roads, and always looking for gloves.

Growing up we usually had snow from Halloween to spring break. We only had 3 snow days in 10 years. Snow was the norm. You didn't stay home from school, you didn't even stay in from recess. The year we had 'snow days' there were 6ft snow drifts in the valley. The snow drifted up to the side of our house, and we could have sledded down the roof and drift. We would have tried too, but were sent to the sledding hill before we had a chance to try it out. We had a sledding hill 2 blocks from our house. We left as soon as we'd had breakfast to head to the hill. We'd come back for lunch. We'd beg to go sled on the 8th street hill. We'd head off to the college, where 8th street was the steepest hill in town. I don't think I've run across a hill that steep anywhere- maybe San Fransisco has them. The college students would pour water down it, and it'd have a good thick layer of ice. It was steep enough, you'd continue on for 2 blocks after the hill. It was amazing...truly amazing.

We lived next to a large city park. We'd build snow forts and have massive neighborhood snowball fights. We also grew up snowmobiling. On really good snow days, we'd be able to snowmobile through our neighborhood. Until someone got tired of the noise, and would threaten to call the cops.

We'd make snow ice-cream. I wish I had the recipe, although it was simple. We'd put a bowl out before we'd go to bed. We add vanilla, sugar, and cream, and stir well. It was more like a slushy than ice-cream, but it was good. I hear it might snow more- I should set out a few bowls. When you only get a couple inches of snow- you need lots of bowls. When you get six inches, you only need a couple. Activity for tomorrow- since I'm sure there will no school tomorrow either.

Good News- it's the third week of the month, which means an update on R and Er is coming.

Dear Husband...

Dear R,

You truly amaze me...and I can't help but adore you. You worked all day, and came home to a wife in a lousy mood. You let me lay down and read, taking care of dinner and kids. We planned to set up Christmas docorations, and you did it by yourself. And it looks lovely. You didn't have to, you had every reason not too. But you did, to make me happy and feel loved.

I am truly a blessed woman to call you mine.

A

UGH!!

My house is a messy...

I don't want to cook dinner, again.

My tree is up, but the ornaments keep 'falling' off (I think they have help)

My house isn't decorated for Christmas, and I can't seem to care.

I'm tired, and my ears hurt from the cold and noise of all the kids.

I don't want to change one more poopy diaper, and I smell 'something'

I miss my kids, even though I've never met them and it doesn't make sense.

It's cold, and there isn't even snow to enjoy.

I tired of hearing "I'm telling on you" and footsteps headed my way.

I know I should be thankful for my home, my family, my life...

but today I'm just worn out by it. By the housework, by the cooking, by the holiday preparations, by the kids, by the cold, by the homework battles, by life in general.

I know this too shall pass, and that God is faithful to give us strength.

I'm just being honest, it can't all be roses folks.

So I'm kinda pouty today.

It's not very attractive, and I don't like it anymore in myself than in my kids.

I think I'll make cookies for snack, and pizza for dinner.

And some grace for myself.

Permission to have a pouty day, to not play Christmas music, to put a movie on for the kids, and to ignore the floors that desperately need a broom right now.

I'm going to bed early tonight, tomorrow is a new day.

Good Morning,

I hope everyone's monday morning is going well.... Here's a run down on mine. This will either make you tired (which is had for me), thankful for your morning, or want to bring me a cup of Dutch Bro's coffee (I'd like a peppermint mocha, please?).

7:05am -crawl out of bed late, while DJ tries to get me to buy a new car with no money down
7:20am-out of the shower, waking up and talking to God
7:21am-P bumps into me, puts her long arms around me and whines she doesn't 'feeeellll goooood' -which can mean she's sick, or tired, or just doesn't want to go to school. It's up to me to decide. Send her lay on my bed until she can get in the bath
7:25am-CN comes in, she's in tears -Science homework isn't done because she didn't mention it all weekend, and just now remembered it's due today. Bummer for her-send her to hurry and get a shower so she can finish this morning
7:30am-shoes on, 1st child shows up, start making toast and peeling oranges.
7:35am-2nd child shows up, CN out of shower and finishing homework
7:40am-3rd child shows up, P in the bath, CN done with homework and making lunch,
7:55am-4th child shows up, P is in her room trying to put her pj's back on. Convince her to get dress and start her day and then we'll decide if she can make it through the day, finish getting breakfast on the table
8:00am-finish dishes, start dishwasher, P comes to the table to eat and starts to perk up, start coffee
8:10am-5th and 6th children show up, don't like oranges and whiny from a long weekend
8:20am-dog throws up, hear kids yelling and moaning...make myself put down freshly poured cup of coffee and go clean up
8:25am-P finally done eating, ask her to finish getting ready for school-reminding her she has 20 mins till time to leave, go to get P's shoes out of dryer- forgot to start dryer last night so they are wet, start dryer and pray they are dry by the time to leave
8:30am-7th child shows up late, with 4 bags of stuff from a weekend with dad and throws it in the entry way, remember cup of coffee and sit down to take a drink and then get up to pull out canned food for kids to take to school. P makes a tower of cans on the counter.
8:35am-Remind P to make a lunch, and she comes out with her new Christmas shoes to wear to school -umm, no. P gets mad that it takes to long to tie her tennis shoes and she isn't going to be ready. Tell her her slip ons are in the dryer, and to make her lunch. She goes in the opposite direction of the kitchen where the food is.
8:36am-P comes out mad she can't find her lunch box (that has been missing at school for 2 weeks). Remind her it's at school and to get a plastic sack. She again goes in the opposite direction as the kitchen. Go to see what she is doing and she is putting on shoes in laundry room. Go make her lunch, she yells at me not to put baby carrots in it, put baby carrots back in fridge and pull out snap peas. Write a loving note to her for her lunch, reminding myself I do love this child.
8:38am-put P's lunch in her backpack, find dirty shirt and wonder how long it's been in there, leave it for now and hope I remember to pull it out after school. P has shoes on! Ask her to get her coat, she goes to coat closet pulls out a random coat that belongs to another child and says she's wearing it. Ummm, no. "Find your own coat, Please." Tell CN, child #2 and 3 to get ready to go to school. Move pile of suitcases to couch- how much stuff do they really need for 2 days?
8:40am-Walk P back to her room, pull coat off the floor and put it on her. Give her backpack and she walks out door dragging it. Tell her to wear backpack or she'll put a hole in it- there are cans of food, remember. She yells that it won't fit on her back with a coat on. I'm sure they didn't think of that when they designed backpacks. I put her backpack on her back, everyone else is at the end of the driveway waiting for her. Send her off with a kiss, thankful she had an "okay" morning and is going to school.
8:45am-sit down with cup of coffee...and finish it. Now to tackle the 5 loads of laundry to fold, change a diaper, clean bathrooms, and make shopping list. And maybe another cup of coffee...I've certainly earned it.

School Conferences...

Those days off of school I braced myself for- they were the result of school conferences. I seem to remember going to school, and then conferences in the evenings. I don't remember getting days off for conferences, but maybe I'm wrong. It just seemed that when I was a student the goal was to be in school as much as possible. Now it seems to be okay to have the kids not there for teachers meetings, grading, conferences, inservice, and holidays. I LOVE teachers, and have the utmost respect for them. It's not a digg on them. But common sense says that if you want kids to learn they need to be in a classroom with a teacher.

So that has alot to do with nothing really. Both CN and P have great teachers. Really good teachers are one of the biggest blessings in a parents life. CN has this unique problem - she likes to read at the determent of her other work. She rushes through her assignment so she can pull out a book and read. This also has changed since I was in school. We had free reading time, and otherwise you didn't pull out a book to read. If you finished math early, there was an extra worksheet to do. If you finished science early, homework was your fate. You didn't rush to get done, it only meant more work. So we have given the teacher permission to take reading away at school. It also seems odd to have to 'give permission' to the teacher to take action when there is a problem. It also seems odd to take away reading. However, she has to focus on using her school time wisely - because next year it will really matter. Jr. High is like that. We are needing to focus on math facts in a major way over the next month. So times test have made their way into our daily routine. We had times test in school too- and I remember hating them. That hasn't changed much.

P is doing well also, all things considered. Her eye issue has resulted in delayed reading. She is being treated for Convergence Insufficiency. Unfortunately she has developed a bad taste for reading. Which is soooo sad for us. R and I are huge readers, CN obviously is a reader. What will P do instead of reading around here. Besides, I have books I've saved since I was a girl for her to read. She is in a focused reading group, and we focusing on it at home. She also has been referred for a speech evaluation. Her great teacher noticed a issue with 's' and 'th' sounds. When she brought it up, you could tell she was bracing herself for an argument from us. I started to laugh. Of course she needs speech therapy. We've already done Occupational therapy, and vision therapy. We want her therapy to well rounded after all. So we were more than happy to have FREE therapy. That is a new experience for us - and were more than happy to accept.

So overall - good things to hear, always something to work on. And at least we have great teachers who are on our side and willing to work with us.

Family Drama...

Laundry Soap -Update

Laundry Soap ALA Anita...
I love this stuff. It's a little cumbersome, but I think it's worth the effort. I have a 5 gallon bucket of a gel like substance. It's somethink akin to The Blob... and smells really good. I kept an old laundry soap container. I filled it halfway up with The Blob, added water and shook. It sounds easy- but required a funnel, a stick and patience. I made quite a mess on the laundry room floor. However, since I never mop it - I figured it was due to be cleaned. Next time I'll put a towel down.

So I think it's doing a great job at cleaning the clothes. Better than the other laundry soaps I've tried.

I've always been frustrated by how quickly clothes mildew in the washer. Try as I might, sometimes my laundry sits in my washer a few hours, or even overnight. I get distracted and forget. It happens alot actually. In a few hours they would smell - and I'd rewash. Then I learned to spray Frebreeze in the dryer with them and that usually helped. But only if it had only been a few hours. Overnight meant they HAD to be rewashed. With this soap, no mildew. Maybe I should experiment and see how long it would take. But we've gone up to 48 hours at this point, and they were fine. Seriously AWESOME!! That alone makes it worth it.

So, the homemade laundry soap is here to stay. I'm thinking it could be fun to experiment with. Maybe I'll give it out as Christmas presents. I really like this stuff! Do you think others would be offended to get laundry soap? Would you be? Does it say "You have dirty clothes, you stink, you need help?" I wouldn't want it to say that...yeah - I guess it does.

Thanksgiving Feast...

We are hopefully going to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast a day early. Myself, and the six children running around. Wait - make that seven children running around. The turkey is in the roaster. We've cut up celery -everyone cutting a stalk. We've got stuffing ready for the oven. Now we are on break until it's time to do the potato's. Then the turkey should be done, and we can set a beautiful table.

So the girls are all playing in their bedroom - Barbies. C and P have already done war this morning. So the sounds of them playing together sweetly- well, it's sweet. Much sweeter than slamming doors and names being called.

Back to Thanksgiving Feast. I'm not sure what made me think I should cook a Thanksgiving meal with 6+ children. Other than I remember the joy of bringing the meal together with my Mom and Nana. We travel to R's family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We rarely cook an entire meal in our home. I want the girls to know how to make a holiday meal. I want them to know how much work goes into a holiday meal. I want them to remember cooking with Mom. Not just showing up and an amazing meal is magically on the table. I want them to remember the holidays as time spent together, in the kitchen cooking and visiting. Talking about where the receipe comes from, the best way to make sweet potato's (it doesn't involve anything that comes out of a can or marshmellows), and how fortunate we are to have so much.

So we are off to peel potato's, bake the stuffing, get the green beans started. The turkey smells amazing. And apple pie is waiting on the counter for dessert. YUM!!!

Waiting...I can't put my arms down

We received our Nov. update last Friday. R and Er look happy, and you can see the bond between them. We are so thankful to be able to keep them together. I can't imagine separating C & P. Or being separated from my brother and sister. Although growing up there were times when we would have done anything to be separated from each other, even if it meant a new family. Our family of 5 shared one bathroom, and I remember more than one fight over the use of hairbrushes. Yet, now - I do whatever it takes to have a meaningful relationship with each of them.

Anyway- back to waiting. So we knew we'd have to wait. We waited almost 10 years to start the process. We waited through the dossier process. But none of that compares to waiting once you have children that belong to you, and yet live a country away.

This is what the waiting feels like. Layers of clothing... yep -layers of clothing. The decision to start, the wait felt like a tank top on a summer day. Comfortable, appropriate, needed. Sending the dossier- putting on a t-shirt over the tank top. Still comfortable. Felt right to wait. Getting the referral -putting on another t-shirt. Only a little uncomfortable. Sometimes pulls the wrong way. But okay overall. Each monthly update adds another layer. Another t-shirt. Each layer makes it a little more uncomfortable. You adjust to the added layer, and move on with your life. But here is the fear- what happens if they aren't home in 18 months? Will I be like the kid in A Christmas Story? All bundled up for the cold, and unable to move. Unable to make a snowball? Will the wait suffocate me?

Yet, I know there is more. Jesus promised to take the burden of those who are weary. He promises rest. It's exhausting to try and live with layers of clothes adding weight and making it cumbersome to move. But it's really my choice... do I put on the layers? Do I give them to him and live the wait full of joy and anticipation? It's not easy - sometimes it's moment by moment. The moment where it's hard to breathe, when your mind wonders down the path of "how long could this take?", the moment where you wonder if pictures will be all you have, it's that moment that a choice is made. Do I put this on, wrap myself up in it? Or do I lay it down and ask Jesus to carry it?

I'm new to the wait - we've only just began. However, I can feel the burden building up. I can enjoy the pictures, and yet feel a loss that is unexplainable.

We are waiting on the mother's death certificate to be received so we are able to enter into IBESR. It seems that this should have been received by now. Of course, she should have lived and they should have never had to surrendered. In a perfect world, the death certificate wouldn't exist. So waiting on something that never should have been. Adoption is a mixed bag of feelings, and I don't think it ever really makes sense. Must be a God thing.

Well- kinda random post. Still have a bunch of kids running around, and making pies and cake balls for the upcoming holiday. So my mind is even more random than normal. But this has been rattling around in my brain and needed to be purged somewhere. So here it is.

No school... no peace

New keyboard is here! And it's so quiet... and clean. It's amazing how gross and dirty a keyboard gets. And no way to clean it, other than to blow the stuff out. And that is gross...I'd rather not know.

Anyways, that has nothing to do with today. Other than I can blog once again. Yeah!

So today - no school. And let me see how many kids are running around here. 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Yep-9 kids. Made pancakes, a triple bunch for 9 kids. Then cleaned up, 9 kids worth of mess. Drank a cup of coffee, big cup-9 kids worth. Then we did fun noodles. You wet them and they stick together. 9 kids went through a $5 bag in less than 7 minutes. Yeah...so that activity didn't take up nearly enough of the day.

Then I made lemon cake (for cake balls) and then I portioned out shortening to freeze for pie crust. Then cleaned up the mess from fun noodles (all 7 minutes of it). P and I then made a chocolate cake, more cake balls. While I usually advocate for real cake, 9 kids = cake mixes.

Then another big cup of coffee. And a 10 minutes break while everyone is playing nicely. Because that won't last with 9 kids. It's a matter of time before I'm referring.

So, the rest of the day looks like this. Finish pie crust and freeze. Make cranberry sauce. Make 9 kids worth of lunch. Put youngest to bed, put movie on for the rest. Clean up trashed kitchen, try to think it will make a difference. Pick up My Little Ponies from hallway. Cuddle with my girls. Make dinner x2, and deliver to family who is hurting. Oh yeah- I should go and call them. Note to self, call after blogging. Back to the rest of the day. Forget that I have laundry to fold, ignore dirty living room floor, and attempt to keep a bathroom clean with 2 boys using it all day.

However, I'm so grateful that I'm home with my girls. I'm thankful they are home with me, instead of spending the day elsewhere. That I get to love on them, and not someone else. I remember how hard to was to let someone else mother them. Even though it means a sink full of dishes continuously, pee on the bathroom floor, and enough noise to wake the dead -I'm thankful it's my messy home they are at. And I'm thankful for the 80's station on XM radio. Because there is nothing like some BonJovi and Journey to make one 30ish person to feel young enough to keep up with 9 kids.

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Eye Nick... yesterday's adventure

So yesterday was a no school day. Something about grading day for elementary kids. So 8 kids here, and a little bit of a zoo going on. We made door hangers, we built a fort, we sat in timeout. In the afternoon, P decided to go visit a neighbor. She came home at 4:20pm saying she got a scratch on her eye. Sure enough there was a small red spot on her left eye.

Now, when she came in and told me she didn't say it hurt. She wasn't crying or upset. However, as soon as I mentioned I'd call the doctor- suddenly it hurt horribly and she was in tears. Sure enough, the triage nurse thought she should be seen if it was hurting.

Now it's 4:30pm, and an hour till my daycare kids are picked up. R can't be home any sooner to take her, and she is saying it hurts alot. Let the adventure begin....

She is crying and I've called R and told him I'm headed out to Urgent Care. I call my lovely neighbor/sub who has already spent the afternoon entertaining my oldest daughter and older daycare kid. They have a Wii and I can't compete with that. She thankfully is able to come and stay the last hour with the daycare so I can head out. As I'm getting ready, and a person we know from church calls and say that the State has removed their children from their home and can we take them as foster parents. All of this is about 5 minutes time. Add to that a parent picking up a child, and the normal 'she hit me' stuff that is always going on. It was CRAZY... and we still had to actually go to Urgent Care.

So P and I hop in the car and off we go to Woodburn to Urgent Care. Because Salem's Urgent Care always has at least an hour wait time. This Urgent Care is new, and so not as busy. Here's the best part- we were in, seen, and out of their in under 30 minutes time. 30 minutes in Urgent Care... I want to tell other people, and yet I want to keep the secret to myself. 30 minutes in Urgent Care!!

They put drops in her eyes that glow under black lights showing an injury. On the ride home, we have this conversation.

P "I'm going to go to the bathroom, turn out the lights and watch my eyes glow"

"That won't work, P. It's a black light, and that is what makes it glow"

P "Mom all dark is black, that's what happens when you turn out the lights. It's black."

"No, P. Black light is different, there are special bulbs you have to get."

P "Good thing we are going to Target, I bet we can get one there."

At this point I realize that I'm never going to win this one. It won't matter if the drops have worn off, or that is it really small and hard to see without a magnifying glass. Or that I'm not spending any more money that day. My battle plan is to hope she forgets by time we get to Target. Sure enough, she was distracted by shopping for Christmas dresses.

So the rest of the evening was spent getting a prescription filled, going to Taco Del Mar, and picking up an activity for another day of no school. It always amazing to me that the day can be rolling along, going just as planned, and in three seconds your headed in a completely different direction. Forget the quiet evening at home, now were headed to Urgent Care.

We are also waiting to hear if the Haiti government will be asking us to get a presidential pardon to adopt R and Er. While this is yet another time consuming step, we are holding off feeling anxiety about it until we know what is happening for sure. There are many bumps and detours in the path of adoption. Too many to panic every time one shows up. So no panic, but prayers that the Haiti government puts the welfare of the children first. Whatever that looks like.

Todays Adventure...Homemade Laundry Soap

Yep, I'm off to make homemade laundry soap. I must go to Goodwill first and pick up a soup pot that isn't cast-iron. I love my cast-iron to much to boil soap in it. Then I need to find a 5 gallon bucket with a lid, so probably a trip to Lowes or Home Depot. All of this to save money, hopefully it works. And I like the idea of being able to control what goes in it, without trying to decipher the label.


The other benefit... I can make it smell like jasmine. There is no jasmine smelling laundry soap, and I love jasmine. So, I'm off to try and make jasmine smelling homemade laundry soap. I'll let you all know how it goes. . . and if it's worth the effort. Although I'm thinking 6 months of laundry soap for $5 that smells like jasmine just might be worth quite alot of effort.

**UPDATE: Trip to Goodwill -successful. Found pot, found $5 supercute boots, and a stack of kids plates for $1. Kids were good, and hardly stressful. Trip to Home Depot - successful. Found bucket with lid, kids enjoyed car shopping cart and ride through parking lot.

Melted soap (as much as possible) in 'new' pan, and now my house smells like I've just spent 5 hours cleaning. But I haven't. I don't think I ever have. My house has never smelled this clean. I'll just boil some soap before company comes, and call it good from now on.

Put soap, water, washing soda and borax with 5 gallons water and now it sets overnight to 'thicken'. We will see... but if it doesn't work I still figured out how to make my house smell clean in about 5 minutes. That lesson alone was worth the effort.

**UPDATE: Soap gelled together well. I'm pretty impressed with myself. I'm off to fill my old laundry soap container, add essential oil to it, and run a load of laundry. I'm feeling very Little House of the Praire, although I think they collected ash to make soap with. So not exactly the same. But nevertheless, still feeling very self sufficent. I wonder if you can make homemade dishwasher detergent. Google search here I come...

Haiti...Why Haiti?

Well, that my friends is a loaded question. That simple answer...God sent us there. The rest of the story...

Haiti was brought to our attention before we were married. I knew of a family in Eastern Oregon that adopted a sibling group from Haiti, back when we were dating. It was big news, not only were they adopting, but from another country and their kids were black. BIG news, made the front page of the papers. We were drawn to this family, and even emailed them a few times with questions. And life happened, and we knew it wasn't the right time and we moved on.

Over the years, we always talked about adopting -and it was almost always about Haiti. During that time, we saw orphanages close down, the government deteriorate, and wondered if Haiti was even going to be an option when it came time. We decided if Haiti was closed when it was time, we'd look at other possibilities.

Last year, we were debt-free and praying about how and when to move forward. Our 'splurge' for becoming debt-free was to finally give up the rabbit ears and get cable. I know -we went crazy! The first week, I noticed a show called Adoption Stories. So I set the new fancy DVR to record it at 3:00 am. I sat down the first day to watch it, and it was about a family adopting from Haiti. An orphanage we had been looking at, and knew others that were adopting through. I thought that was interesting, entertaining, and I enjoyed it. I told R about it, and he just smiled and nodded.

I went on praying, and hoping for an answer soon. The waiting was making me nervous, was God going to say no after all of this time. Yet, no real direction or decision was right. The next week, there was another episode. I sat and cried the entire 30 minutes, even as I fast-forwarded through the commercials. It was the same orphanage, in Haiti. And I knew. As much as I knew I'd marry R as we drove that day to LaGrande. As much as I knew CN was a girl before our ultrasound, as much as I knew P would be our challenge from the first somersault in the womb. I just knew. I printed out the application that afternoon, and told R I knew. And I'd wait for him to know, as long as it took. I tucked the application away, and continued to pray for his heart to know.

Then 2 weeks later, on a weekend it happened. And it was undeniable. We had been at R's parents house, and he'd been out back kicking the ball around with his brother and nephew. On the car ride home he mentioned that would like a son to do those things with. He shared he was praying about it, and thinking hard. It was my turn to smile and nod. I knew the door was starting to open, and I needed to be patient and not push. As much as I truly wanted too...

We went home, and invited a friend over to watch the Adoption Stories I had on the DVR. There was a new one, and so we started with it. It also was the story of a family adopting from GLA in Haiti. We sat and watched, and as the father started to kick the soccer ball with his new son - I started to cry. I looked at R and it was obvious he noticed it to. Sometimes, God makes it obvious - and we felt it was obvious. We went to bed that night, and talked openly about it. We both knew it was to be Haiti, to be GLA, and a son. We knew R would kick the ball around, we knew we'd one day stand in that courtyard and meet our children for the first time. We knew this was in God's will for our lives, and felt secure in moving forward.

The next week I sent our application into GLA, and we were accepted. Even as we have watched other family wait for long periods for the process to move, and knowing there are other countries it is 'easier' to adopt from, we know Haiti is where God wants us. Even if it's harder, even if it means a longer wait, even if it doesn't make sense. And as soon as we looked at R and Er's eyes, we knew why. Haiti is where they are at. GLA is the orphanage they'd be taken to. God has been guiding us there, knowing our children would be there. He was getting us ready for them. As their paths were leading to us. And that is why Haiti...

And folks, that is the rest of the story... (I grew up listening to Paul Harvey)

Adoption Process... in a nutshell.

Once the decision to adopt was made, it started the ball being slowly pushed up a large mountain. A mountain of paperwork, government agencies, and prayer. The bigger the mountain, the more we see God's glory. I wanted to give a timeline, and as we update it will be easier to see our process.

1. Orphanage Application -we applied and were approved by by GLA in the spring of 2007.
2. Homestudy - we completed our homestudy in the fall of 2007.
3. I-600A - USCIS approval to adopt 2 children and bring them to the U.S.A. We were approved in the spring of 2008.
4. Dossier -quick definition -Dossier is the 5lbs of paperwork that is our life in writing that the Haiti government uses to determine if we are fit parents. Our dossier took about 6 months to put together, and was mailed the end of June.
5. Proposal -We recieved our proposal in September of 2008.
6. IBESR- Haiti's social services that must approve the adoption. We are currently waiting to enter this step.
7. Parquet- Haiti's court system. The official government approval.
8. Orphan Investigation- This is a requirement by the US government to determine the children meet thier definition of an orphan, and includes a birth parent interview.
9. Ministry of Interior - I'm not exactly sure what the MOI does, but it's important too...
10. VISA's - Important too. . . and so far off right now I don't spend alot of time thinking about.
11. Home !!!! I spend too much time thinking about probably.

This is a simple breakdown, and there is no set time we will be in any set step. However, we know God is in control, and his timing has been perfect all along. All the times I fretted about the time it was taking me to get our dossier ready- it got there with-in days of our children's arrival. God's perfect timing! All the times we wanted to move forward and couldn't - it's because our children weren't born yet...God's perfect timing. And as the days march on, and I want to hurry it up... I want to remember his perfect timing all along. Feel free to remind me when I forget!

I’m done with…

I wrote this to post on the blog...I'm done with. It's a very personal statement, and not meant to gain approval or even understanding. However, I hope that in sharing I can be more of myself with those who know me.

I'm done feeling inadequate…I will find my worthiness through God's eyes and his word.

I'm done feeling less than others, because of a few extra pounds and acne on my face. I will see my soul as beautiful, as I am made in God's perfect image.

I'm done letting other peoples judgments determine how I see myself. My personality is a God given gift, even if I'm sometimes out of place and make others uncomfortable.

I'm done judging others to feel righteous in my own dirtiness. I will see others as God does, broken, hurting and separated from the love and healing they long for. I will see myself made right with God because of Christ gift alone.

I'm done with being impressive, and being impressed. I desire to see people through God's eyes and be humbled by others loves and obedience.

I'm done feeling small, and unimportant. My place in the body of Christ matters, and I serve to be obedient to God and spend tangible time with my heavenly father.

I'm done listening to Christians who are more passionate about politics than people's souls.

I'm done voting along party lines, and feeling silly for caring about the environment. I'm done feeling like a traitor to the Christian culture because I don't always agree with mainstream conservatism. I wonder where Jesus would stand on the issues of politics, or would he be busy clearing out the temple, healing the broken, and feeding the hungry.

I'm done with Christians judging political agendas and social programs, and yet doing nothing in their community to serve the poor and underprivileged. When we head the call to care for the orphans, widows, sick and hurting – the government won't need to do what his people are asked to do.

I'm done excusing the church's actions to those who have been hurt by it; I'm apologizing for not being Christ like.

I'm done hurting others in the name of speaking the truth. It's a clever mask I use to be right. I'll let God's amazing Grace be enough, and pray my words bring healing and restoration.

I'm done making small talk when people are hurting. Their pain is more important than my comfort.

I'm done with just doing community service; I desire to make an eternal impact in individual lives.

I'm done seeing my relationship with church the same as my relationship with God. My church is made up of broken people, and not an accurate representation of the perfect love of God. And that's okay; our love is made perfect in Christ alone.

I'm done with driving new cars, using credit cards to go to dinner, spending $5 on a cup of coffee –and being unable to give to my church a tithe or send an offering to a child who will die without my help. God has given us abundance in USA, regardless of income. I will live in contentment with what God has provided, and share the abundance I have been blessed with.

As I was writing this, and really making a declaration of independence (of sorts) I began to see situations in my life differently. I began to pray differently. Then I went to church, assuming everything would be different there too. And then a seemingly innocent interaction made me feel small and insignificant. It wasn't intentional, and yet I walked away hurt after being brushed off. I thought of all the 'reasons', I wasn't important, I didn't matter, I'm invisible because I don't look like the other church women, oh-it was a long list I had going. And I hadn't even made it to the front door yet.

I got in the car, and as I drove off I wondered if Satan was attacking? Was God testing if I meant it, was he giving me a place to test out my freedom? Was God allowing Satan's attack? As my mind circled around these thoughts, God said "It doesn't matter why." It didn't matter where it came from, what mattered was if I'd react as if I was in bondage or as if I was free. Did I still care more about what other people thought than how God feels for me? Did I really find my value through God's Grace? Or am I just saying the words, writing the declaration, and then going to fall apart if I'm brushed off unintentionally at church. Am I giving lip service? Can I really live this way? Will God really be enough? That is what it really came down to –Is God enough? Is his love and forgiveness enough to make it okay if people brush me off? Is his value of me enough that if I don't measure up, I can throw out the measuring stick? Is his promise of eternal riches enough to be contented driving my old car? Would I be able to just let the brush off be a simple mistake made by another human, and have no reflection on how I see my own value? The answer is yes, yes, YES!

If I'm to have freedom…it's so much bigger than being free of the inadequacy of my church, or Christianity. It's to see my church and other Christians as broken, hurting and needing Jesus as much as I do. It's to be done with allowing Satan to speak lies into my heart. It's being done with giving lip service…and instead reacting with a heart full of freedom and joy.

Scrapbooking....
I scrapbooked today, working on R & Er's books. I enjoyed the creative process, enjoyed seeing progress from the time I spent, and made an awful mess all over my coffee table. I also realized why I scrapbook - because I won't remember it all.
I really won't - and I want to. I want to remember the feeling of anticipation of R and Er. I want to remember the excitement of CN and P, and thier precious prayers for a brother and sister they haven't met yet.
I have forgetten so much already. What my mom's voice sounded like. What my Nana's hand's looked like. What a first date felt like. Most of my teachers, only remembering the meanest and kindest. What time I went to school. What the kids' name that lived on the corner. What we did for 4th of July growing up.
Maybe it's not memorable, maybe I just have filled my brain with other stuff. But when I go back to a page I made 5 years ago, I travel back there in my mind. I remember what P looked like at 2, what CN sounded like at 5. I remember what they wore for Christmas, and how it felt to hold them. All the moments I want to remember.
I want that for my kids. I want them to have a place to go to remember. A place to relive thier youth, learn life lessons again, hear thier mom's voice in her stories, and maybe even offer some clarification and healing.
So I scrapbooked this afternoon, and it may be one of the most important things I do today. That and cleaning the toilets. Cleaning the toilets are important too...but that's another blog.

Adoption Adventure

We are adopting two children from Haiti. It has been a long process, 10+ years total. God sometimes ask you to do something, and then ask you to wait. It was hard to wait. But God was working in us, to prepare us. He was working to prepare our children. So we prayed, for wisdom for us, safety and health for our children. God had to teach us, about financial responsibility, about trust and dependence, about his place in our family. He was caring for our adoptive children and their birth family. While we question at times, would the answer ever be "yes, it's time. Go!" we kept trusting God's perfect timing.



And now we could see God's perfect timing. We understood all the times he said wait. I don't think we are given many times in our life to see God's perfect plan. Many times we have to wait till heaven to see his perspective. And yet, in this we have been glimpsed God's perfect plan for us. I believe that adoption is always a God thing. To bring a parent and child together is a miracle, regardless of the mechanism. God is always involved in creating a family, and adoption requires overtime on his part. We can trust that he is faithful to complete the work in which he starts.



Re and Er are those very children we prayed for, that God prepared. God's good work, and we are trusting him for completion. While we wait, we are reminded that ten years has flown by. The next year will also fly by, and they will come home in God's timing. When we are ready, and they are ready.

Here goes something...

I love reading blogs, and am slowly becoming familiar with this whole 'internet' thing. I've accepted that it is here to stay and might as well join in with the "cool kids". So bear with me while I figure it out.

We have two bio children, CN is 10. P is 7. They are lovely children, about 30% of the time. The other 70% reminds us why we need grace. We are in the process of adopting two children from Haiti. One boy, Re is 6. A girl, Er is 2. We are a family that loves each other, but it's okay to get messy with each other.

I'll post more on our adoption journey, where we are at, current news, etc. I'll post what's new in our journey, what we are learning about God and each other, and all the funny stuff that happens around here.