Report on trip to Haiti -Part 1

Okay, there is no possible way to put our trip into one post. Well, I could but it would be way to long to expect anyone to read.

So here is short summaries of highlights and I'll write more in depth later.

Right before going to the Toddler House to meet the kids for the first time. Feeling excited, anxious, overwhelmed, and unbelievably united. Something about the trip gave us this feeling of being us against the rest of the world. I like that somehow I managed to angle the camera to hide the bags under my eyes. Holding Er for the first time. The book is one I sent with pictures of us. I was pointing to me in the book, saying Mama and pointing to myself. And I think she was thinking I had lost a part of my mind. Her hair is so sweetly done, and she smelled like Johnson's baby lotion.

R and Re. My two boys. Re just had to check out everything in my purse. Item by item. He wanted to know how it all worked, and settled on the MP3 player as the item of choice.

We were able to file our paperwork. It was a little crazy, as our social worker that was to help us, left his ID and couldn't come in with us. That is a post all by itself. Lets just say we were entertaining.

We ate the most delicious mango I've ever tasted. It was actually one of the most amazing things I've ever ate. Perfectly sweet. Melt in your mouth. Rich and light at the same time. Oh my, I'd live there just for the mango. Then I had to go eat banana's to offset the mango. Even the banana's are better there.

There are no traffic laws. No speed limits. And no road maintenance crew. And surprisingly not many accidents. I was born to drive there.

I have such appreciation for the sacrifices the staff makes to live and work in Haiti. They don't have to, I'm sure they are not fairly compensated in earthly terms. I asked what they missed the most and they answered freedom. How do you thank someone for giving up their freedom? They are amazing people, and I don't know how to bring 'freedom' in my suitcase.

The storms made R very happy. Thunder. Lightening. Rain. Downpour. And it was right over our heads. No one was too concerned. Unlike here, the week before. They cancelled school activities for a storm that had nothing on this one. I think we are overreative as Americans.

Being white doesn't make you stand out in Haiti. Trying to be on time, speaking english, and having frizzed out hair makes you stand out. As well as having a blank look on your face as people continue to speak french to you. And note to self, speaking louder and slowly does not induce comprehension.

I need help with Er hair. Serious help. HELP.....or she is going to wear a head scarf all the time.

Okay, that is what is hanging out in my brain today. I'll update more as I have time, and tell you all the interesting details. Again, we were entertaining.

May Update and a meltdown

We received our May update yesterday. Let me say that I've been a bit over emotional. As excited as I am to go to Haiti, I keep coming back to the thought that I will have to walk away from my children. I will have to leave them. I'm not abandoning them, but what must it feel like to them?
Here is their side of the story (in my mind). I lose my mother, my brother goes to the hospital to die, and my father takes me to a strange building with strange people and leaves me there. I see my Papa once in awhile, but he never takes me home. I miss him and my sibling terribly, and I want to go home with them. The grownup's here keep telling me I have a new family. They live far away, and they even sent pictures. I also got sandals, and they are really neat. They are coming to see me. I'm really excited to be with them. I can't wait to be a family again.

So when we leave in two weeks, and they stay. What will their hearts feel? Loved because we visited, or will they feel abandoned again. We'll they wonder if we are just coming to visit like their Papa? Will they wonder if we didn't love them and decided not to take them? Will they trust that we won't leave again, the next time we go? That is my fear. That their souls will be forever scarred by our leaving them. The way their hearts are forever changed by their birth mothers death, and their Papa's surrendering them.

Saturday I went hiking. Spent some time alone with God. Cried, really cried, ugly tears. I turned to a now familiar passage in Isaiah 43:1-4.

But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers; they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze...

Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you."

Here is what I heard...

Anita, this is God, your loving father. I created you to do this. When you are on the plane, and the anxiety hits, I will be with you. When you are overwhelmed in the airport, I will be there. When you have to leave your children, and grief overwhelms you - you will not be swept away. When the pain of saying good-bye burns deeply- you and your children's hearts will be protected from damage. Your children and you, are precious to me, honored by me, and I love you. I will be there, every step, every deep breath, every moment of joy, and tear of sorrow. You can do this, and I'm not asking more of you than I know you are capable of.

I have had an amazing peace about the trip since then. I am still so sad I have to leave them, and I imagine a meltdown will happen at some point on the way home. But we will all come out of it okay.

When got our update. It's a video. It's beautiful. A very loving volunteer put it together, and there is a short video at the end of Re and Er said goodbye.