Family Closet

My newest adventure...

Tackling the Laundry Monster!

Current laundry situation...
I put laundry in washer, dry it, fold it, and place in CN and P's room.
CN and P throw in drawers, unfolding laundry in process.
Come morning, they sort through looking for what they want to wear. Clothes end up on the floor.
In theory - they put dirty laundry in laundry room to be washed. In reality, once every few days I make them pick up most of it and put in laundry room. By then, clean clothes have fallen out of messy drawers and laundry pile is twice as big as it should be for 3 days.
I repeat wash, dry and fold ... to wash clothes that have not been worn. Because I have NOTHING better to do with my time and energy.

So my solution... our laundry room is being cleaned out and their clothes will be kept in there. This will give them alot less 'stuff' in their room. They will put their dirty clothes away at night, picking out something to wear the next day. I will know immediately if they make a mess with the clean clothes. And hopefully it means I won't have to do 20 loads of laundry a week. It's ridiculous for a family of 4 to have that much laundry.

And what happens when there are 4 for them, and only one of me. That's like 30 loads a week. So if I do laundry 5 days a week, that is 6 loads a day. Okay, I gotta go and work on this right now. Seriously - have to get this under control.

If this doesn't work- I'm going to get rid of all the clothes, except for 5 outfits each. That should make it less, the most laundry I would have is 2 loads if everything was dirty. I'm ready to get radical. I don't want to spend my kids childhood washing clean clothes. I'd rather spend it blogging and scrap booking.

According to CN

"Your a big meany and I don't want to but you made me."

This was written on the whiteboard in the kitchen. I left to pick up kids from school, and she was told she had to go to Honor Choir practice today. She stayed home sick yesterday and today, but is well enough to go sit and listen.

But I am a big meany - and I'm quite okay with that. In fact, I got quite a laugh the white board. Maybe I'll submit it to passive-aggressive notes.com.

I think it's probably a sign that I'm parenting and not being her friend. And that is a good thing.

Jan. Update...

Here is our latest news...and hopefully the last month our status is Pre-IBESR. Next month, our status should state IBESR.

IBESR is Haiti's social services department. The first major 'step' for our paperwork to get through is IBESR. My understanding is that they verify that the children are truly orphans, and that it is in thier best interest to be adopted by us. It can take anywhere from 3-6 months. It involves a interview with the birth father as well.

So pray that IBESR process moves quickly. We will be assigned a IBESR # once our file is given to them. There are blogs that track when files move through the process. However, it's not a process that is predictable. If your #8, your file will not be done after #7 or before #9. The #9 file may have a birth parent that shows up the first time, or no biological children. While your #8 file waits for the birth parent to make it to the interview.

The other process that must take place while our file is in IBESR is a presidential disposition. The Haiti law states that only people with no biological children may adopt. However, this law has not been followed to the letter ever. However, the courts system is now enforcing this law, unless the president allows for an exception. Let me say right now, THIS IS PROOF THAT EVERY HAITIAN ADOPTION IS A MIRACLE. Imagine if I had to get President Obama to sign a paper that say I can adopt our children. And not just me, but 75% of the people in our country adopting must also get his signature. And yet, the president of Haiti has agreed to do this. Praise God!

So that is where we are at in the process, and here are pictures of our beautiful children. They are worth it.

Laugh of the day...

I have so much to say about this... and will be laughing all day long. But to be honest the best part is that they "scratched" the word. Because that is indecent after all.

Laughs today courtesy of Cake Wrecks. I'm telling you, this blog is IT.

Soar like an eagle...

Okay, God. I've learned the lesson. Again. The irony of it never ceases to amaze me. I hold onto 'things'. I worry, I fret, I try to do it on my own. I get tired, weary and burdened. God doesn't want that. He says to come and he will give rest.
So I finally give up the death certificate. I put my wings out and rest on the spirit of God, and just glide along. I sleep well, I wake up restored, I have hope.

And I open an email from GLA that the mothers death certificate has been received.

This is not the first time I've 'learned' this lesson. It seems to be a reoccurring theme in my growth. When I surrender and depend on him alone - he is faithful. Everytime. But when I'm trying my best to do it on my own, things seem twice as hard and don't seem to happen.

Praise God for being Everlasting. For being a God that wants relationship with us, that includes carrying our burdens and sharing our daily joys. For being a God who desires us to trust him and loves us enough to use life to draw us into him.

Surprise Purchases

We have had quite the shower of blessings lately. No big checks in the mail, but purchases we have been saving and waiting for-all happened in a month's period of time.
We are a almost debt-free household. We only buy things we can pay cash for. We live a pretty simple lifestyle and generally use stuff way past it's intended life. We recycle, reuse, and sometimes just do without.
So in December we bought a used TV from R's brother. It was too good of deal, and it much nicer than the one we had. Then we got a wii for Christmas from the in-laws. We bought bikes for the family for Christmas. This already improved our entertainment possibilities greatly. Then a friend was willing to sell her Traeger BBQ. So I got that for R's birthday.
We were feeling pretty happy, and enjoying our new 'toys'. Then we went to my hometown. And bought a oven/stove for the kitchen. Most people do not buy appliances on vacations. But it was a really good deal. KitchenAid, flat top, convection oven, two years old, for under $200. I love ReStore! I have been waiting for 5 years for a new oven. My old one was original to our 1973 ranch house. It was golden harvest. And only 3 burners worked. And it had 30 years of gunk on the bottom. And the oven only held one rack. And the pans under the burners were gross. We had looked at 'cheap' ovens. But I wanted a nice one. I cook alot, and I didn't want a scratch and dent or a apartment set up. So I waited and got something wonderful.
The next week, R found a Jeep to buy. We have saved for over two years, and looked for six months. And it is just what we wanted. And a good deal, and it's FUN to drive.
So needless to say, we have been blessed. And we are done spending for awhile. Like the next three years. Well maybe not three, but at least the next year. Of course, there isn't much else for us to replace. Well, except the sliding glass door. It has a dent in the track so you have to slam it. I don't think having the kids slam a glass door is a good idea. I'm kinda hoping that one of them will slam it, it will fall off the track all the way, and shatter on the patio. Because then it would be an emergency and I'd have to have it replaced.
Anyways, my point. I think I had one. That God wants us to have our hearts desires. We wants to talk about the daily life we led. He wants to be part of it. We wants us to have a new stove, a new Jeep, and to blessed by him meeting our needs.
Here is where I struggle. In all honesty. There are children who are hungry tonight. There are mothers who will give up the child they love for the lack of a few dollars to feed them. I know God cares for them just as much. I know he desires to bless them just as much. So why me? Why am I blessed so abundantly? I know he doesn't love or favor me more? I know it's not luck? I know I've been faithful in some areas, and he is rewarding it. But I'm sure there are mothers who are faithful, and yet still can't feed their child.
I'm thankful that God is big enough to handle our doubts and our questions.

On the adoption front... Nothing is happening right now. We recieved our proposal in Sept. We were told that it would be a few to several weeks to recieve the mothers death certificate. We are pushing several, and I emailed the orphanage last week and confirmed we are still waiting on it. I have to admit that I didn't like that answer. It seems like it shouldn't be that hard. And don't they know I want my kids home. I kinda had a yucky attitude, and just made myself keep it to myself. I don't know if it worked, but I'm guessing not.
Then we went to church, and sang a song that God used to speak to my impatience.
"You do not faint. You won't grow weary Our God, You reign forever. Our hope, our Strong Deliverer. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles."
I pictured waiting on God, as he defends our children who are weak, delivers them, comfort them and knowing he is Everlasting. Then the line "You lift us up on wings like eagles." hit me. I pictured the eagles soaring. Wings outstretched, DOING NOTHING but letting God be enough. No fretting, not worried, not impatient. Not flapping it's wings to try and get higher, faster. Not pushing ahead of the wind. So I resolved that for the day and moment (because the present is all I can change) I will choose to spend the wings and let God be enough.

Why I really blog...

Things I should be doing instead of blogging...
Mopping sticky kitchen floor
Cleaning pee from around toilet
Pulling dinner out of the freezer
Scrapbooking pictures from October
Watering plants
Trimming roses
Folding laundry
Putting up Christmas decorations
and about 30 other tasks. Oh well...I have to at least deal with the sticky floor and pee. Maybe I'll get on a roll and finish more. However I do have a new library book, so it doesn't look hopeful.

CN Birthday

My little girl...who was a measly 5lbs when she was born, is 11. I really have a hard time comprehending that it was 11 years ago I brought her home from 4 days in the NICU. That it was 11 years ago that she fit into those tiny preemie outfits. That is was 11 years ago that she was completely dependent upon us for everything. That 11 years ago that we just moved into our little apartment. That it was 11 years ago seems impossible. And yet, here she is in 5th grade, almost as tall as me, and doesn't think she needs us for anything most days. Singing solo's and making honor choir. Reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Baking cookies. Needing a training bra, and getting curves. ACkKKKKkkkKKkkK!! I know I'll turn about and she will be 16 and wanting the car for the night. Then I'll turn around and I'll be buying towels for her first apartment. Then she'll call that she has met a boy...
Onto something else before I spend my afternoon in tears over how fast it really does go. Because the adoption stuff doesn't feel like it's going fast at all today. We received news that the mothers death certificate has not been received by the orphanage. So they are unable to submit our file to the social service department yet.
So on one hand, time is flying with CN. On the other hand, it seems at a standstill with Re and Er. It's a real paradox I find myself living. Here is what I know to be true...God's timing is perfect. While I bemoan the loss of time with my kids, both here and in Haiti, God is trustworthy. So I choose to trust. That there is enough time with CN and P to prepare them for the world. That Re and Er will come home. That I will learn to be trusting as I go through the process of waiting. That I will know God's character more and more. That he will finish the good work he has began.

Trip home...

We went to the small rural town I grew up in, last weekend. My family lives there, and it was wonderful to see them. There are things I love about my hometown. The mountains, oh how I miss the mountains. It is really beautiful there. I miss the local drive thru that serves funny drinks. I had a yucky tummy all weekend, and forced myself to stay away. Even the drinks are greasy. I miss the snow. I miss my family.
There is always a moment when I know I'm back. This trip it was at Safeway. My SIL and I went to pick up stuff for breakfast. It was almost 10pm, and it was about 30 degrees outside. In walked Bubba (okay, I don't know him personally and have no idea if he name was Bubba) in overalls, a bright yellow tank top and no coat. I think I smelled *manure* on his boots. I knew I was home...it's just not something you see in my neck of the woods. If I had been on the ball and carried my camera with me everywhere, I would have also gotten a picture of the dry cleaners sign. It read, "You can't steal from someone when they have a lien on you." Why advertise on your sign, when you can spew 'wisdom' like that.
It's interesting how nothing is the same, and yet nothing has changed. There is some good wisdom, I should have a sign outside to put it on. Maybe I'll call the dry cleaners.
I'll post later about CN birthday, and some exciting adoption news.

Isn't it best for children to stay in thier birth country..

As we started to research adoption, especially inter-racial adoption we discovered that experts often say, "it's always best for a child to stay and be raised in their country of orgin". We were surprised to agree with them, more than we wanted to admit. It seems only logical. If we died, we'd want CN and P to stay in the good old U.S.A. We'd hate for them to grieve the loss of everything familiar. We would want them to retain the culture of their parents.
However, if it meant health, education, a loving home, LIFE, and a future...well, they better get ready to adapt.
That statement makes perfect sense, from my home with a roof, my children at public school, a fridge full of food, money to buy more, and medical care readily at our disposal. It seems reasonable considering none of my friends or neighbors children have died from malnutrition, AIDS, malaria, dehydration, or hepatitis. I wouldn't have ever thought to question it, until I started to hear about Haiti. Until I realized that our household income is almost 100x the average Haiti's income. And yet food isn't 100x cheaper. In fact, many things are more expensive. If I made $300 a year, what would I be able to buy at Safeway to feed my children, without any assistance. How would I also buy uniforms for my kids to attend school? Or pencils and paper for them to learn? I wouldn't be able to send them. What if they got sick, I wouldn't be able to pay a doctor or buy medicine.
Now what if that child lost both parents? What if they only lost one, but the other had 7 kids to take care of? Well, it would be ideal for another family member to take this child in. Lets say I have 2 children I'm struggling to just feed once a day. I'd love to think I'm such a great person that I'd happily take on more. But I think the reality is that I'd resent watching food going from my children's mouth to someone else. And that is what happens. The 'adopted' child gets the leftovers and is a second class member in the family. I hope this is the exception to the rule, but it doesn't sound like it. So maybe they should be adopted by someone in their country. However, with 80% of people earning under $2.00 a day, most families in Haiti do not have the ability to take care of orphans. Add to that the lack of birth control, families aren't looking at adoption to expand their families.
So that leaves children being raised in orphanages. Even the BEST orphanage, which we believe GLA to be the best, is still an institution. Even UNICEF agrees this is not a good solution. Now, there are orphanages that are run family style, with the intent to raise children in Haiti. Hands and Feet, is a great example of this. However, there just isn't enough of it to take care of every child in Haiti.
So that leaves international adoption. And what I believe to be the bigger picture. The eternal picture. That picture that doesn't draw lines of division among God's people. That the family of God is bigger than the country borders, bigger than the gulf between cultures, and greater than the difference in skin color. That God desires us to add Re and Er to our family, I will trust that it is in their best interest.
When we heard they had a 5 year old brother that has not been surrendered, we really had to face this issue. Our minds immediately said, "He should be given up, and we'll take him. We can give him so much more, and he needs us." But then we prayed about it, and talked about it. It came down to this, " IF his father is unable to care for him, and he is surrendered -we will ask to adopt him. But if he father decides he is able to care for him, we will choose to believe that is in his best interest. That being raised by his birth father in his birth country is what he deserves first. It's what all kids deserve." And in a perfect world, that is what kids would always have. What our world is broken, and in quite a mess. So their birth country and birth family can't ALWAYS provide the basic needs.
I can agree with the statement, without the always. It's confining. It doesn't allow for poverty, AIDS, lack of birth control, lack of education, and natural disasters. It doesn't allow for the most important need children have - to be loved, to be wanted, to be important to someone. I do believe that in an ideal world, Re and Er would stay with their birth father and be raised in country. But their world is severely broken and the next best thing is to be part of a family that loves them. And that is us, without a doubt in my heart.

I'm tired...so tired

This has been a very busy day.
I've switched to Outlook for a calendar. Considering my lack of technical ability, coupled with my inattention to detail- it seems like a perfect fit. (Insert sarcastic voice)
So my task list has about 5 items that are now in the red. What does that mean? Have I failed? It's like turning in a project to your 5th grade teacher, and receiving it back covered in red pencil. It did remind me to pay the bills and I did them...which is good or I would have forgotten until about the 15th. Which is one day after everything is due. I did make myself print off the charter school application for C, and she started it. I think we were suppose to turn it in on Monday.
I think the problem lies in the user. I have to actually put things in the calendar, before they come up. Appointments, classes, activities are easy to do that with. Things like this application-I don't think to use my calendar for those misc. issues. If I had thought last month, (when the decision to use Outlook had not been made) to put in a reminder that would have been great.
So I'm giving myself six months to figure it out - then I'll be stuck with it for the rest of the year. Why, you ask? Because nowhere will have a 2009 calendar to buy.
Maybe I should get one now- just in case. Besides they are on clearance.
Anyways, back to the day. I couldn't make myself get out of bed until 15 minutes before I'd have kids at the door. So no shower to start my day. I had the usual kid load of 8 to start the day. The kids were out the door on time, I even sat down for a cup of coffee and FINISHED it. As in drank the WHOLE cup while it was still warm. Then a latecomer got dropped off, and I was able to catch up with her mom. Just about the time she was leaving, a friend and her two little girls showed up. With Starbucks...which I did not get to enjoy while warm. But it was just as good cold. Anyways, between the extra kids, a 23 month appendage who was sure I'd leave her with this strange women, and trying to keep the laundry going I didn't get to drink the Starbucks warm. At 11:30am I had to pick up at kindergarten, at 12:15pm drop off at preschool. Usually I do that with all the 'little' kids in tow - but my friend was kind enough to stay with them. The 23 month old was right, I left her with this strange woman. Her fear was founded.
I got everyone down for naps, only to have a kido be picked up at 1:30pm. Then my friend didn't leave until 2:30pm, about the time I was getting kids up to go pick up from preschool. At 3:00 my bff stopped by to visit and make plans, as I was quickly trying to get one red item off my task list and pay the dang bills. And then kids walked in from school at 3:30pm. The next 2 hours were filled with homework, noise, making dinner, more noise, parents picking up, a little less noise.
I had a daycare father pick up late. They are a 'two parent' family. Mom called and said Dad would pick up. He didn't call that he would be late. When it was time for me to close, I called him and left a message. He showed up 6 minutes after I closed. I asked him to call me if he was going to be late, and if it continued I'd charge a late fee. He asked if the mom had called, and didn't she tell me. Besides he's used his vacation time, and can't leave work until 5:00pm and so won't be able to get here any sooner. Yeeeaaahhh, they are called boundaries. I set them up before you started care with me. If YOU are late, YOU are responsible to call. I close at 5:30pm, regardless of when you get off work. And your ex-wife is not responsible for calling me. YOU are not a family unit, and I operate with the assumption that you as a 40 year old male are capable of being responsible for yourself. Sometimes, okay most of the time, the parents are more frustrating than the kids. Personal Responsibility is in short supply these days.
So then it was a race to run errands, before heading to church for small group. Okay, so here is the cool part. All day I was thinking I'd just skip church tonight. God would have understood, I was exhausted. The issue with the daycare dad an hour before church did not help. I had other things to do. But I went anyways, unshowered, hair a mess, and feeling just beat up. Weary, and downtrodden. And we talked in group about spiritual nourishment. And how hard it can be at times. And I was able to have the transparency to actually ask a question that I've held back on, thinking it would show how little I've got it together sometimes. But how do you have that spiritual accountability partner? Where do you find a mentor? Is there a form to fill out, a line to get in? I've always been told I needed one, but don't have a CLUE how to go about it. I tried once in a woman's ministry bible study. Yeah, the leader was younger than me in age and her spiritual walk and was suppose to be my trainer. But she friends with the person running the program. I'm not good at trusting woman in general, but especially 'churchy' woman. It made me think church wasn't the place to find this. So I've been really at a loss, and yet I yearn for it.
So here is the great thing... another gal who I really adore and admire asked me if I'd like to start getting together. This gal reads my blog, and if she makes it this far... Thank You. God did for me, what I couldn't do myself. All day, God knew what I needed. How much I needed it. And life threw everything it could to keep me from going. At 6:30pm when I knew God wanted me at church and I went when every cell in my body said the couch at home was the place to be, it was for his purpose. Even if it doesn't work out - just her reaching out felt like the hand of God in my life. But I'm going to pray it does work out. And that it will be good for both of us.

Good News...

There was school today. Off 5 kids went to school, and my world returned to normal. At least until June. But now I have to get back to the laundry, housework, cooking, and projects that got put aside for the holidays.

Happy Birthday R

R turned 36 today. Yep, New Years Baby.

His sister pointed out now his age rounds up to 40.

Looking pretty good for an almost rounded up to 40 year old.

I'll love him even when his rounded up age is 90 or 100, or 1134500...forever for us.