Happy Birthday P!!

Oh my, she's eight. How did that happen? It was just last week I was bringing her into this world. All natural because she just couldn't wait for an epidural. I should have known then what was coming.

A child who was born with her own agenda, not to be deterred, wild eyed, ever busy, perpetual motion child.

A child who has to have underwear that is really tight, and wears a size 4t Hanes no tags underwear ONLY.

A child who stands and stares at me until I wake up, only to ask if she can have a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Which she has had for the last 5 years every Saturday am. So I can sleep in.

A child who runs with wild abandon, to hug/tackle you.

A child who absorbs science books, and wants a lizard party.

A child who would rock our world, make us question everything we know about parenting.

A child who would cause us to stop and notice how a caterpillar moves.

A child who would climb the tree in the front year at 2 simply to see if she could.

A child who loves with every ounce of her being, and who also fights with every ounce of her being.

A child we couldn't love more.

Happy Birthday, my little whirlwind.

Today's Adventures....

1. Wasp in the house. Guess what? Raid Ant and Roach Killer does NOT work on wasp, however does adhere to flooring swimmingly.
2. Daycare kido colored on bed with Duramax marker during nap time. Murphy's Oil Soap does take it off. But it takes a long time for a 5 year old to do it.
3. Only 5 days until the girls church production and P's birthday party. My bro and sil are coming to stay. Spare bedroom is a wreck. Takes a 30ish year old woman days to get in order. Hopefully less than 5 days.
4. Today is the last free evening to finish up shopping for said party, and for R to take P out for dinner. It's her birthday dinner, and we don't any day closer to her actual birthday, which is Friday. You should see my outlook calender - it looks like a box of crayon's threw up on it.
5. I have a gazillion things to do - and I'm blogging instead. That ought to help. And I have a play date planned for every morning this week. When do I become popular?
6. P is screaming at a daycare kido to stay out of the grass. It's a miracle of God that she has lived to almost 8 - but it might be up for grabs if she makes it till Friday at this rate. When I asked her to stop yelling and come in and practice her music -she yelled at me and proceed to kick her flip-flops across the kitchen. It's up for grabs if she makes it till Friday folks.
7. I am determined to walk today. It's beautiful, my legs are aching for a workout, and my stress level is so high I'd like to take the bottle of wine with me to drink as I walk. Some days I miss my old job, with adults who don't color on your furniture, yell at you and kick shoes around, and a paycheck that included retirement and a Christmas fund.
8. I think the wasp is finally dead. Ant killer does works it just takes 23 minutes. And shaking the jar hard. Hard to know which really did the job.
9. Laundry - I think I forgot to switch the laundry today. Clean underwear are overrated anyways.
10. Only 80 minutes till I can blow this joint, with wine bottle in hand, MP3 player on and pure blessed solitude for 45 minutes.

Birthday wishes...

My birthday was yesterday. And my family and friends made me feel very special and loved. My dear R, gave me a card and cake. Despite us being in the middle of a heated debate*. My BF stopped over and dropped off a beautiful potted flower, a card, a COKE (a real one, forget the diet) and a warm delights. I've never tried the Warm Delights, and it might have been better if it had stayed that way. My dear MIL called and wished me a Happy Birthday, which is also a first. My sil, my sis, my dad all sent me well wishes. My small group at church actually sang to me. Next year, I'm asking them to refrain as my gift.

Anyways, the best part was this. C and I went to Bare Minerals, and had makeovers. I hear it's the best. And she was so cute getting her make up done. We then went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, and it was so fun. And while we were getting our makeup done, the 'artist' gave her this large crystal. It was was a sweet gesture and C seemed to really enjoy it. On my birthday, she gave me a little gift bag, with the crystal in it. It had attached a long string, and she explained it was for the new van. Ahhhh....how sweet. So despite the fact that she can make me want to pull every last hair out of my head (and I have ALOT of hair) she does still have that sweet, giving, and loving spirit. And the hope of that is by far the best birthday gift I could have received.

*really means- arguing, rolling eyes, and going to bed angry. We have a marriage retreat coming up to work on communication skills. A much needed opportunity.

March Update

So I'm a little late. I realized I'd better get March pictures of Re and Er posted, before April's are here.

This update was tough for us. We were expecting it the week before we left for our vacation. And it didn't come. So we packed our computer, who wasn't drawing power from it's cord. We managed to get it fully charged, but would only have battery to run off of. Every day we hopped on, checked email, and got right off. Well, after we posted on facebook. And no update. Every day it was disappointing. I don't think we realize how much we hold our breath waiting to hear about them, until we can exhale as we read that they are doing okay. On friday, in the hotel lobby we had an update. And it was late for good reason. And the orphanage has changed the week we are recieving our updates. It will now be the last week of the month. I think it might have changed for March, and we just didn't get the memo.

They are soo stinkin cute. The brown eyes, the fuzzy hair, the chocolate skin, and not to mention the dimples. Oh, the dimples.





I dreamed the other night of meeting them the first time. Of holding Er, or squeezing her and hearing her laugh. Of picking up Re and him being almost too big to get off the ground. Of his hand in mine as we walked. I woke in a state of pure joy, followed by a sense of grief that was overwhelming for a moment. One of those moments when you wonder if you will drown in the pain of it. And then I got up and took a shower, brushed my teeth and anchored my feet deep in God's promises. The waves assaulted all day, but I am grounded in truth. Because when grief comes a callin, you learn to just stand in the waves and the tide eventually goes back out. And it did. And at times it feels like grief as we wait. I've been through grief, and it's very similar.





You grief the moments of childhood you are missing. You grieve tucking them in at night. You grieve the days you miss. The day they write their name the first time. The everyday moments that you are apart. And you grieve for them. Knowing that to be together, they loose everything they know. And you grieve that it can't be different. And you grieve your loss of power to do anything about it. It's a very humbling journey to walk. Not for the weak of spirit.





On a side note - my birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to find some excitement for it. I'll let you if some turns up.

I will say this... I can't look at this picture and not smile. A huge smile. The flip-flops on the hands, the little girls grip on the one in front of her, and Re's smile. And the little boy in the background, looking like he's warning them. Because a crash does look immenient. But that is what the 'hand guards' must be for.

Mom confessions

In the spirit of honesty here are my confessions on motherhood.
-There are days I can't remember when my kids bathed last. If they smell, they have to bathe. But 6 out of 7 days, I shower first thing in the morning.
-I feel guilty at times that I can't give my kids the activities and vacations that thier friends enjoy.
-I love my daughter, but there are days I wonder what how loud she could be with duck tape over her mouth.
-I no longer feel guilty for going out with my friends and leaving the kids behind. In fact, I'm really loving my girlfriends and time with them.
-My kitchen floor has a sticky spot, and I'm just walking around it. My bathroom hasn't seen a wipe down in a week, other than the occasional clorox wipe out of pure digust.

More to come. What do you feel guilty about? What is motherhood really like? What do you wish you'd know before? What is a crapshot in your world?

Vacation Details and Mishaps

Wednesday- We got up, packed up, went and enjoyed one last breakfast. I bought 3 bags of oatmeal, my new love. And 7 bottles of wine. And two necklaces, a card, and bottles of rocks for the girls. Because there is no better gift for our girls than rocks. Seriously. Now, I only 'bought' all this because we have $350+ left on our gift certificate. It had started to rain, and while we didn't want to go, it made it easier. And we were starting to miss the girls. We drove through Bandon, and debated going up 42 to Coquille or 101 to Coos Bay. At the last minute, I turned left to take 42. We were about a mile out of town, just going 55 and the first corner approached. I slowed, due to the rain and suddenly the back end of the van lost traction. I turned into the spin, and felt the tires grip. I swear they gripped. I then turned to straighten out, and not hit the rock wall on the opposite side of the road. The back of the van was suddenly spinning around us, and I felt the van hit the guardrail. We were going over the guardrail, and turning upside down. We landed on the top of the van, and were dangling from our seat belts. That is an odd sensation, and I will spare you the expletives that escaped my mouth. R was very calm and basically told me to get it together. Because I didn't have it together. At All. Very. Unlike. Me.
Rabbit trail- I went to school to be a paramedic. I've had training not to panic. I've been in emergencies and been calm. I've been in accidents and been calm. I've watched people die and been calm. I. am. calm. in emergencies. I handle stress well.
Anyways, the thought that something happened to R overwhelmed me. It scared me to panic. And then he yelled at me to get it together, and I realized he was okay. And I got my act together. I checked myself out. Bump on head, maybe bleeding. Arm bleeding, but not much. Can feel legs, and seem coherent. But hanging upside down.
Here is the dilemma -if I undo the seat belt, gravity will cause me to fall forward to a windshield that is all broken up. I can't brace myself with my left arm, nothing there safe to hold onto. I can't brace myself with my right arm, and reach the seat belt buckle and unbuckle it. Russ had unbuckled himself and realized my problem. I braced myself with my right forearm on the steering wheel and he undid the buckle. I managed to not fall forward too much. My window was broken up, and a bush was right to the side of it. And it was all downhill from there. Russ tried opening his window, but power window wouldn't work. He reclined his seat back, and crawled out the side window. I could hear him out of the van, and I wanted nothing more to be out of it to. Claustrophobia had set in, and panic was resuming. I could hear voices asking if I needed help or if I was okay. Pride is a great motivator. I pulled myself out, and upright all by myself. It seemed important at the time. Now I'm not sure why. I crawled through the tree that did all the damage to my door, and up the hill. Once I saw R, the tears were flowing. He has NEVER looked so good.
We called his parents, his brother (who lives in the area), the insurance, and dealt with the ambulance crew, ODOT, Oregon State Police, Bandon Police, and the auto wrecker. All of which were great. We were cold, wet, and exhausted by the time we climbed into the tow truck. R's brother met us at the wreck yard, and was kind enough to drive us to the ER. I had my leg checked out. We got a script for a good pain med. You never turn those down.
And later that evening, R's mom and brother picked us up and took us home. And I have never been so glad to see my bed. EVER. And I have never been so content to fall asleep with R next to me.

So here is what I learned.
-Sometimes accidents happen. When you are being careful. Going the speed limit. Can't control everything.
-Having a good insurance company is worth it. Yeah, we may pay a little more, but we had a check cut for the van in two days.
-Small town people don't have alot of news. So if you crash in their area, it will make the paper.
-Spouses are truly irreplaceable. And as hard as marriage is, it's worth every minute of it.
-Life is short. And you might as well live it up. So I'm contemplating dying my hair that color's I've always admired on bold woman. I'm no longer waiting to drink the 'good' wine. I'm telling people how I feel, and not waiting for it to feel right. Yeah, I did that before. But now I'm going to also share how much I care for my friends and family.
-Don't let the wreck define the whole vacation. So many wonderful memories. The wreck was one day of 9 days of vacation. And it won't overshadow the great time we had.
-God's plan for my life is not over. I matter to him, and his work here.

Vacation Details 2 and pictures

Monday - Massage day. Hour and a half long massages. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so we did more than just massages. We got up in the morning. I ate oatmeal, my new lover, and we enjoyed getting to know a sweet lady and her mom who were enjoying a few days together. My mom has passed away, and it really touched my soul to see this mother and daughter connecting and loving each other. It was the first time I've been able to experience it without fighting back sadness or bitterness. We enjoyed dinner out. We sat in the hot tub, listened to the waves on the beach below and the wind rusting the pine trees. We enjoyed a glass of Pinot Gris, and talked about all the things we forget to share with each other anymore.

Tuesday- We woke up just in time to drag ourselves to breakfast. All the past days of vacation had caught up with us. We had grand plans to go hiking or visit the beach or art galleries, or something super 'touristy' but instead we stayed in and read. We stayed in bed, and read. Till 3:00pm. Yes, 3 in the afternoon. I read almost a whole book in a day. And not a 'grow yourself' or 'learn about God' book, but a rather trashy vampire novel. Just for the joy of reading in bed all day. R went out to get pizza for a late lunch, and I had a pedicure schedule. Then we went to dinner at Paula's and came back to soak another night away in the hot tub.
-Rabbit trail - I don't get pedicures. I wear tennis shoes every day. No matter the weather. I have 'bad' feet and wear orthotics. So no sandals ever grace my feet for more than a few minutes. I bought a cute pair of wedge sandals to wear out to dinner and barely made it to the car. I don't like my feet touched, and it doesn't feel 'goooood' to have someone cut my toenails. So this was really a stretch. But I have to admit it was enjoyable. But I also had 2 glasses of champagne while she was doing it. And she was a very sweet gal. Later that evening it was back to Paula's for dinner. Then back to our hot tub one last time. Besides there was a bottle of champagne that HAD to be finished.

Our living/dining room. Cute and cozy. You can't see it in this picture but there was an antique wood stove. Which we attempted to use once. Before our massages, because the cabin was a little chilly. Radiant floor heating is not instantaneous heat. We started it, shut the doors tight to pull the draft up the chimney (per written instructions) and watched it fill the cabin with smoke. And then opened windows to air it out. Then the fire went out. Our masseuse was not impressed and I think a little irritated by the smoky room.

Our bedroom - yeah it was good too. I forgot to take pictures of the bathroom. I guess it didn't occur to me that anyone would want to see a picture of the toilet. But the shower was a beautiful walk in stone tile shower.

Our hot tub. Only because no one else used it in the evening. Either they are already relaxed and didn't need help in that department, or they got a message that the Olson's would be using it and would rather be left alone. Either way - it was so nice to have it to ourselves. Notice the tall pines trees. Like in the mountains. And the ocean is just beyond. Truly perfect.

Wednesday- I'll blog that later. Tired and ready for bed. And I got the second trashy vampire book yesterday. What I'd give for a day in bed to finish it.

Vacation Details

Friday- We left on time, or close to. We got about 10 miles and realized I forgot the gift certificate. Probably the only thing we really had to have. Turn around and go back. Leave late. Get pulled over about 10:00pm. Aw, crap. Going 70 in a 55. Knowledge speeding, get a warning. Drive 55 mph the last hour. Pull into Wildsprings. It's beautiful. Even in the dark.

Saturday- Sleep in till 8:30am. Rest is wonderful. Walk up the hill to the guest house. A beautiful breakfast, that someone else prepared is ready. The best oatmeal I've ever had. Did you know you could fall in love with oatmeal. I did - and I brought it home. But it's not the same, the honeymoon was over when I had to make it myself. Walked to the beach. Went to a local fish-n-chips restaurant. Crazy Norwegian was obviously popular with the locals and tourist. We had to wait in the car till our table was ready. Then the waitress comes out the door and waves for you to come in. And then we knew we were back to small town America. We went back to Wildsprings and walked around enjoying all the art, and the labyrinth. We enjoyed a soak in the open air hot tub with a wonderful view of the ocean. And surrounded by tall pine trees. Truly the best of both worlds. Ocean for R and mountain for me.
We went to dinner at Paula's Bistro and had kid less meal. I actually wore a dress, and had wine with dinner. We got back to Wildsprings, and enjoyed another long soak in the hot tub. We also enjoyed a new wine. Sea Mist Cranberry wine. Wonderful- who would have thought.

Sunday-Woke up a little earlier, went and ate another wonderful breakfast. Met the funnest couple from the Bend area and swapped ideas for the day. Met our guide for a long hike through Cape Blanco. It was hailing as we were waiting in the car. I'm a all weather hiker. I've hiked Silver Falls in the rain. I've enjoyed snow hikes. But hail on the beach was more than I was prepared for. But our guide assured us the weather is prone to quick changes, and off to the Cape we went. But the time we drove there the sun was out. It was a lovely hike to the beach, around the cape, up to a lighthouse, and then through the 'forest'. She told us about the local history, the vegetation, the geology, as well as the pro's and con's to living in Port Orford. We stopped for pizza at the Hard Rain Cafe. The owners were a sweet young couple (meaning our age because we are still young, although less than sweet). They made us feel like we were part of the small community in a matter of minutes. Then it was back to the hot tub. Because the hot tub was amazing. It was a beautiful clear night, stars out. A bottle of Pinot Gries and just us. It was so nice to just have TIME together. No hurried. Not in passing. Not discussing daily details of life, but discussing life.

More later... my knee is still to sore to stand on for long. More about that to come. And the laptop only works on the kitchen island. Because it hates me and knows I can't stand for long More details about the love/hate relationship I'm having with the computer coming also.

Vacation Details coming...

We had a lovely vacation, full of rest, connecting and adventure. I would have blogged it, except the computer and I were in a heated argument. I thought that it should recieve power from it's power cord. It thought it shouldn't. We managed to charge the battery before we left, but needed it to last the entire 5 days. We hopped on and checked for our March update, posted a quick note on facebook and shut er down. No love for a computer that won't plug in.

Anyways, I'll work on posting pictures this afternoon. Pictures from the resort - wonderful! Pictures of the kids - sweet. And pictures of the van - the adventure part.

My sister did good with the girls. Although she may never have children of her own, now. I think the girls let the halo's drop about the third day. It was nice to know CN isn't just snotty with me. She can share the attitude, and apparently will.

Busy day today, too busy. I'm supposed to be taking it easy on my leg, an injury from the adventure. However, it's an early release day, I have a playdate scheduled, and laundry to do. As well as dinner, church tonight, and trying to find time to get weighed in for the Biggest Loser challenge with friends. Oh my, I need to go sit down now. Take a break while I can.