On a lighter note...

I leave for vacation in 20 1/2 hours. R and I are going to a lovely eco-friendly resort on the Southern Coast tomorrow and we don't come home till Wednesday.

They don't allow children under 13. The rest is details, really.

My sister is coming to watch the girls. They should have fun. They are bringing their two big dogs. For a total of 3 dogs, and two kids. Did I mention they don't have children of their own. Kinda wish I was here to watch it unfold. Except I'm going to resort that doesn't allow children.

We won this vacation. Through Yahoo!! on Earth Day. LOVE Freecycle even more now. God really blessed us with this time together. He knows we need it.

Our itinerary looks like this...
Friday-Get there, sit in hot tub overlooking beach and sip $25 bottle wine out of plastic cups.
Saturday-Get up, do nothing we don't want to, do only what we want to. Enjoy organic, pre-ordered breakfast in bed, and go for a hike. Hot Sundae party on Saturday. Play cards and games as we watch the ocean.
Sunday- 10:30am, leave for a 4 hour guided hike of the Cape Blanco area. Come back, sit in hot tub. Enjoy dinner out. With no kids!
Monday- sleep in, enjoy breakfast, hang out and read, massages at 1:30pm for R and I. An hour and half each. Oh Lord, help me. I could get used to this.
Tuesday-sleep in, enjoy breakfast, walk on the beach, manicure and pedicure at 4:00pm for me. Nice dinner out- the kind of restaurant that doesn't allow children.
Wednesday-Get up, cry because we have to leave. Drive back and stay the night at home. Pack girls for a night at the beach
Thursday-8:00am dental appointments for the girls. Leave town and drive to aquarium. Stay the night at Best Western and enjoy swimming pool.
Friday-come home, rested and ready to tackle our life.

Our itinerary according to R...
Have sex and sleep. The rest is gravy.

We are taking a digital camera and will post pictures. Of my itinerary, not Russ's. Although if I can get a picture of him sleeping I might just post it. Only if he' is drooling.

God=Church...Church=God...

I have been talking to God. And he keeps saying something to me I'm not sure I know what to do with. I grew up in church. And I grew up learning about God in church. And at home. And at church. And I learned that God=Church and Church=God. And I hear God saying, through his word, through my experience, through that small voice, through other people; that the equation of God=Church doesn't add up.

Here is the problem with it. Church isn't perfect. The building is rundown, the pastors are hurried, the worship team misses a beat, and sometimes you are snubbed in the lobby. Sometimes you leave feeling beaten up, feeling guilty, feeling worn, feeling like you have to work harder to get it. Sometimes you leave feeling elated, feeling blessed, feeling loved, and feeling like you belong. But every time I meet with God I feel grace, I am loved, I am his and I belong.

Now I know most Christians 'know' this. I 'know' this. However, knowing and living it can be difficult. And for me, I seem to backtrack every time I walk through the doors. It's just so entrenched in my mind and heart. It's many, many years of church done that way. It's many years of letting my relationship with church be enough for me. And I'm not sure how to rectify this. Does one go to the place that is the cause for concern, to find a solution? It's a real quandary I've found myself in.

When I'm hiking though the woods, I find God. When I'm worshipping in my living room to David Crowder, I know God is here. When I'm reading his word, I hear him speak to me. I'm open, I'm available, I'm present in his presence.

When I go to church, I visit with friends. I try and listen to the message, but forget most of it before I drive away. I enjoy the worship, but worry what others think if I were to really just worship. I don't really know what it means. I don't know what others experience at church. But the problem for me is this- I don't think that I'm going to figure it out at church.

And church seems to be a distraction. I can keep myself pretty happy just doing church. Just learning about God. Just worshiping for 15 minutes a week. Just hearing about God. As long as it is present and readily available, it seems like it's enough. But it's not.

So I hear God saying, in a soft voice, that it's okay to take a break. And everything in me says, "That can't be. God=Church. If I'm not a church, God will judge me as uncommitted. Others will think I've back slided, I'll be talked about, I'll be 'prayed' for, I'll be counted as lost. I will back slide (I'm not sure what I'm going to back slide too). I will walk away from my faith, I won't find God outside of Church."

And really that is my fear. That I won't find God outside of church. That he only exist in the box of organized religion. While I know that in my head he is bigger than Church, my heart skips a beat at God's bold suggestion. Take a break from church. Really God??? You won't mind??? You'll still teach me? You'll still bring truth and grace to my life?

So I'm praying about, thinking about, and praying about taking a summer break from church. A break with purpose. To seek God elsewhere. To seek him in his creation. To seek him serving the poor. To seek him in quiet reflection of his words. To seek him in a very personal way. To worship in my living room. And to trust him that we wouldn't lead me to a place that would put distance between us. But to a place that would draw me into him.

I love my church. My church isn't just a building, it's a body of people who love God. Who encourage each other to grow in their relationship with Christ. It isn't my church that is a problem. I have a great pastors that teach truth about God. I have a great circle of friends who love me. So it's not them, it's me. It's an area I have to deal with. I have to heal. And having a loving, truth-filled church has provided some healing. Enough to get me to this place. And I'm thankful for that. But it's not enough anymore.

Who is in charge??

Okay, disclaimer - I'm not a child expert. Heck, most days I feel clueless. But I'm going to vent anyways as if I do know what I actually am talking about.

I know the time change is hard. I know it's hard to get up when your body says it wants sleep. I know how hard it is wake up kids whose bodies want more sleep. With that said...

Why do parents let their two year old sleep in? They bring her an hour late and say she just got up. She slept 2 hours late. And at nap time she thinks it's playtime. And will go to sleep about the time everyone gets up and we leave. And she will be a grouch for the rest of the day. Because they don't get her up at the same time every day. They let her set her own schedule. A two year old in charge of her schedule. Except that at my house I set the schedule, and nap time doesn't change because you got up late.

I'm amazed at how many parents are afraid to parent. When I suggest that they get her up at the same time every day, they said they couldn't because she is grouchy. Yeah, I don't do want to do anything that makes my kids grouchy, but sometimes you just have to deal with it. They complain that she is up late and doesn't sleep good. Well, put her to bed and get her up at the same time. It works good here, so I'm guessing it would at home. But they won't put her to bed and let her fuss, or wake up and let her fuss.

And it's not just this child, or just when to get up. It's parents afraid to correct their children when they are rude. Or unwilling to make their whiny 5 year put their own shoes on. Or unwilling to impose consequences that they would have to follow through on.

I'm not a parent expert- but I'm sure that it's a good idea to set the routine for your child. A good idea to not let the 2 year old decide when she gets up, when she eats, when she naps, and when she wants to do what you asked. IF you want to raise your child that way, it's unreasonable to expect your childcare provider to allow the 2 year old to do that at her house. And it's going to be shocking to her when you do decide to parent, if you ever do. And if you don't -well, she will be an adult who is unprepared for the real world.

Okay, I'm done venting. Somedays I wonder why I don't go get a job with adults. But then I remember some of them I worked with, and at least the kids are still kids and have a reasonable excuse for acting like a spoiled brat.

Home Parties...

" Through all this I realize that in Haiti only God can make you realize your goals. I know someone who is older than I but never found work anywhere so they are not able to make anything for their family yet. I have been blessed! Even if we are suffering from something else God will take care of that, for He said I’m with you until the end." Suzanne A, Artist for HaitianCreations.Okay, so I have a resistance to hosting home parties. I've never had a Pampered Chef party. I said I would, for the most insistent representative ever, and it ended with me hanging up on her. I explained I couldn't do it after all because my husband had been laid off, and didn't really know when I'd be able to. She then called me every week for 2 months. I would just let it go to voicemail. She was understanding at first but then tried to convince me that since money was tight, it was a great time. I'd save so much money...it doesn't cost that much to do the party-just the food. She called one day, the wrong day, and CeNedra answered the phone. She was just learning to do that, and hadn't gotten this memo, "We are screening calls from the Pampered Chef lady. Don't answer if it is her" So she answered it, and I yelled at her to hang up when I saw the caller id. Once she hung up it occurred to me that she probably heard me. Not a shining moment for me.

Anyways, other than that, I've not had home parties. I sell Close to My Heart and only have had a open house, and monthly crops. I didn't really like doing the home parties, and wouldn't be good at 'coaching' the hostess. "Did you remember to call all your invites? You know, while your cooking meals, breaking up fights, and trying not to lose your mind. You want to make sure you can get as many people as possible, so you can get as much free as possible." I'm also not good at laying on the guilt.

So I found this incrediable opportunity. For a home party - keep reading, I'm not trying to get you to buy. I'm not asking you to sign up too. And I'm not asking you to host one for me. But this is a really cool idea, and I think I might actually enjoy it.

Heartline Ministries does amazing work in Haiti. What I LOVE about this ministry is that they are making an impact for Christ is a very real way. They aren't just handing out, but giving woman the means to support herself. They are giving them the means to take care of thier own children. They are building relationships with the woman, and loving them in Jesus name. Not for just one meal, or one day, but for a lifetime. And they are doing to the Glory of our Heavenly Father. Who is smiling down on them, for sure.

So thier ministry includes a sewing class, where the woman learn to sew and make bags to sell. They also learn how to run a business. How cool is that. So they sell thier bags online at Haitian Creations. Because it's a full cycle type of thing. The program only works if someone buys thier goods. And Haiti is not exactly the place to sell purses. But here, well we love bags and purses. I'm not a girly girl, but I love a good bag.

And they are asking that those interested in help host purse parties. To have your friends over, show a short dvd on the ministry, serve a little Haiti food, and sell bags for these wonderful ladies. So that is a home party I can get excited about. No guilt, no pressure, no quota's to meet to get my free stuff. Just knowing that whatever I sell will allow a woman to keep her children with her and fed. That each bag sold means a woman knows that somewhere another woman is supporting her. That each bag sold means a woman is closer to self sufficiency.

So I'll keep you all posted as to a date and time. Join me for an evening of Haitian food, drinks, and an opportunity to support other women as they make it on thier own.

The power of words...

C came home from school and told me we were in a depression, and it's like the Great Depression. Well that got me thinking. I know the economy isn't stellar right now. I know that there is a chance R could loss his job before it's all better. I sometimes get worried that we've began this expensive adoption journey, and our financial security isn't as stable as I thought it was.



However, I keep thinking about what C said. It's like the Great Depression. Now I'm not a history buff - but I recall a few details about it. The stock market crashed in a big way. And there was a horrible drought. And so it was a financial crisis, followed by a agricultural crisis. And it lasted - a long time. And people lived through it. And they learned alot. Like how to live on very little, how important it is to save, how devastating debt can be.



The next day I found this great video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qptfhu9R0WI

I don't know how to import a video - see the post describing my lack of techo savvy.

But I watched this woman who lived through the depression- making a meal of stale bread and hot water. And saying it was good. Because when you have nothing, any food is good.



So I went out grocery shopping today. And spent over $200 on food. No stale bread for us this week. And I drove my Dutch Bros and there were 4 cars in line. And Sonic was busy. And the cookie isle was picked over. So it's hard to say we are in another Great Depression.



So it got me thinking about the power of words. I know people say it's a recession until your layed off- then it's a depression. I think that is certainly how it feels. But if we are all going around saying we're in a depression -well it's enough to depress you. If your bracing yourself for the Great Depression- well get ready for cooked bread.



Whatever the economy does - I don't think it will have the impact of The Great Depression- and it always seems disrespectful to those who lived through it - to compare now to then.



And the power of words - well, I let C know that this is not the Great Depression. And even if it turns out to be - we will be okay. Our grandparents lived through it, we will too. And we will be stronger for it. Although I would be very sad if Dutch Bros closed. That would be depressing.

Misc. Stuff

-I have an island full of scrapbooking stuff. I'm on a mission to get caught up! Gosh darn it, my kids will have a scrapbook when I die to fight over.
-Only 15 days till R and I go on a second honeymoon. I will relax more if I know I'm not behind on my scrapbooks.
-C and P are still awake, talking to each other. It's the nicest they have been to each other all day, so I'm not yelling at them to be quiet.
-I'm studying Isaiah, and am amazed at how an ancient text can speak truth into my life. God knows all things, prepares all things, and uses all things to draw us to him.
-The Office is new tomorrow - and the highlight of my day will be watching it with R.
-Only 15 days till I'm on vacation. At a resort where they don't allow children under 13.
-I get to see my sister-in-law Saturday, she's one of my favorite people and I can't wait for a girls day.
-The glass is separating from the frame on the sliding door in my playroom. I should be more concerned than I am. Dang, doors are too expensive to worry about it this month. We have a vacation in 15 days, after all.
-I rewashed a load of laundry this morning, because it has set for too long. I think I'll just leave it and rewash it tomorrow.
-I really enjoyed our small group tonight. I love the honesty of those in our group, and willingness to accept me in all my rebellion.
-I'm hungry, probably because I ate lunch at 4:00pm and haven't had dinner. I really should work on my eating habits. I did walk today and Monday. Will walk tomorrow and Friday. One thing at a time. Grace and baby steps. I'm going to go get dinner.
-Good Night

How not to handle a meltdown

When your 11 year old melts down do not...

1. Picture her as 25 - still living at home and talking to you that way
2. Listen to what she says under her breath - she doesn't have her volume control figured out yet
3. Roll your eyes at her- that really sets them off
4. Take their dinner away - they may starve to death (on second thought...)
5. And don't ground them for two weeks - unless you are into self-punishment

What to do instead...
1. Remind yourself that only 7 years till she leaves, and she is leaving at 18
2. Meet your spouse in the drive way and tell him it's his turn the rest of the night
3. Ignore the muttering, speaking under the breath, rolling of eyes - don't let them get a reaction
4. Don't ground them, make them clean house instead. You get a clean house, and they still get a life.
5. Hug them, remind them you love them, and trust that they won't do this when you have company.