ONE YEAR AGO

One year ago, we were high as a kite. We had been to R's parents house, hoping to get a referral soon. We knew the orphanage had a sibling set in mind for us, and that they were working on referrals. By 9:00pm I had given up hope. I had dropped R off to check the church and walk home. Then I put the girls to bed. I sat down and logged on to check emails. And there was a series of three emails. Proposal in the title. And I ran into the girls room, and told them to get up. That we had news on the adoption. I then ran out the door, barefoot, to track down R. I pulled upside him, and yelled at him to get in the car. I think he was afraid that there was something wrong. I told him we had our proposal, but that I didn't want to open the email without all of us.

So we all sat down on the couch, and opened the email. This was our first glimpse of them.

They are beautiful, and precious. They belong with us, and we belong to them. It's really an amazing process. A family being made, from the depths of poverty and despair. Sounds like a God thing to me. I have mixed feelings about today. Thankful, Sad, Hopeful, Worried, and that is just in the last 10 minutes. However, I have been praying for their birth father. Not the process, not that it would hurry up. I just couldn't keep going there. But really lifting him up, as a grieving father. And really praying for his heart to be healed. And I know God has heard my prayers, even the one's I couldn't speak one more time. And I pray his heart would be filled with peace.

We heard this week that the birth father has been located and completed the birth parent interview with USCIS. This is very good news. For many different reasons. It will be quicker if he is able to come in and give the interviews. Re and Er will know that they were not just abandoned. They were given. The difference is small, and yet huge.

So much more is going on around here. We have a new dog...who is right now making a ton of noise eating. I'm not sure what is going on, and probably should go look. Yeah for me. So far she has ate a stick of butter, tried to sleep on R's side of the bed, and barks at every car that drives by.

We have a exchange student coming on Friday. She is here for a few months. Looking forward to that. I'll share more as I know more. Got to go, dog is trying to get in the tub...hmmm, yeah for me. Maybe she knows she stinks and needs a bath.

Going to bed, I'm tired and had enough fun for one day.

Philipeans...

Good Morning,
I was looking at my new favorite blog. This distinction is subject to change often. However, this one has me laughing on a regular basis - and I need to laugh often these days.
Awkward Family Photos shares the awkwardness that is present in all families. If you click on the link, and you should, check out LOL cats. But go to the bathroom first, because you will be laughing so hard you might just pee a little.

So I was checking it out this am, and the post Operation Wedding cracked me up. Growing up in rural Eastern Oregon, it hit the sweet spot of humor. P was sitting next to me and explained, "Philippians". I looked at her, and she said it again, as if to explain why it was a appropriate response. The blank look on my face must have relayed that I didn't get it. She says, "It looks like the Philippians."

So I have no idea where she is learning about the Philippians. Or why a bunch of white people dressed in camo, would make the connection to a Pacific ocean island of Asian people. Yeah, it was awkward. It's called irony, and it made the situation even funnier. A awkward photo, making an equally awkward moment. I'm still chuckling. P is such a funny kid.

Random stuff..

-P has decided she'd like dreadlocks. Only problem, she's a white kid with blond, straight hair. We are currently wearing lots of braids.
-No camera as of yet. God is teaching me alot through this frustrating process. It's not fair, for both sides. Hopefully it will be resolved with no more drama, and in the end, I'll have a new camera.
-David Crowder's new CD is coming today !! !! !! And it's only one month till the concert. The concert we have V.I.P. tickets too. Which means we get to meet him. And sit up front. And meet him. And meet him. I'm trying to wrap my mind around it, and hopefully I won't be a blubbering idiot when it finally happens.
-Been scrapbooking. Trying to catch up. 4 albums at a time is impossible to maintain.
-I have the sniffles, which makes me whiny and rather pathetic. And dizzy when I blow my nose.
-We have a 'temporary' house guest. A two year old border collie. Who didn't get the memo that the milk man delivers at 3:00am on Monday mornings. And she lost her mind, and a some pee, at the stranger walking up to our front door this morning. It's a good thing she is soo sweet the rest of the time.
-Big, Bang Theory is new this week. Oh, how I love that show. Now only if My Name is Earl would return soon.
-Friday - Cake Wrecks book tour will be attended by yours truly. There will be cake. And Cake Wrecks. And lots of other weird people who find funny blogs a great source of entertainment.

I'm blaming this post on the cold medicine. I'm normally somewhat random - but this is really bad. Sorry!

Isaiah 43:1-7

Isaiah 43:1-4.
But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers; they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze...
Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you."
Here is what I heard...
Anita, this is God, your loving father. I created you to do this. When you are on the plane, and the anxiety hits, I will be with you. When you are overwhelmed in the airport, I will be there. When you have to leave your children, and grief overwhelms you - you will not be swept away. When the pain of saying good-bye burns deeply- you and your children's hearts will be protected from damage. Your children and you, are precious to me, honored by me, and I love you. I will be there, every step, every deep breath, every moment of joy, and tear of sorrow. You can do this, and I'm not asking more of you than I know you are capable of.

I posted back on June 1st about this passage, and how God used it to comfort me before we left. I haven't followed up with the rest of story. You see, God knows we forget. He knows we get overwhelmed and lose the feelings of promise. And he knows when we need comfort.

On our last day in Haiti, I woke up and could feel the grief trying to crowd it's way into my day. I felt it trying to suck me in. Trying to steal the joy of being with my kids. Trying to hold me back from falling even deeper in love with them. I could hear the words of deceit, "Don't get anymore attached. It's going to be so hard to leave, don't make it worse. You aren't strong enough. You can't endure this. This is just a mean, crappy process, and really unfair. You didn't sigh up for this." I could keep going on - but I think you got the idea. It was turning into a full fledged pity party, and I was the special guest.

And I went downstairs to get breakfast. I was a few minutes earlier than everyone and was wondering aimlessly around the kitchen. Trying to get a bearing on my day. Trying to find the strength to eat breakfast, go hold my kids, and then fly away from them. And I stood in front of the fridge, and there was a magnet. For a missionary family - with Isaiah 43:1-4 on it. I about fell over. This isn't the kind of verse you'd think to send out to all your family and friends asking for support. It isn't the verse that people readily quote when your in a rough spot. But there it was. "When you pass through the waters, I WILL BE WITH YOU. When you walk through the fire, YOU WILL NOT BE BURNED." In that moment, God wrapped his arms around me, held me up, gave me hope and reassurance. It was almost a physical sensation. I squared my shoulders, a smile flooded my face, and I exited the pity party.

And as I sit here, writing this the tears are flowing. It was such a powerful moment, to know that this process will not scar us. Not me, and not my children.

As I write this, 'While I'm waiting' is playing. This is my anthem for this long process.
'While I'm waiting - I'll serve you, While I'm waiting,-I'll worship, While I'm waiting- I'll will love.' And I will trust that God is present in all of it. In the moments of pain, of joy, of hopelessness, of happiness, of separation, of reunion. He has promised it. When you pass through the waters - I WILL BE WITH YOU. And I pray that somehow - our growth, our witness of God's faithfulness shows the world he is truly trustworthy.

Updates...

Good News!!! We have a new computer!! Here are the August pictures. Re and Er are doing well. Growing, Healthy and Happy. The bump on Er's head is a from a small wart that grew inward and caused an infection. But all is well again. I'm so thankful they are getting such good care at the orphanage.

We are currently in Parquet. It is the District Attorney's office, and part of what they do is interview the birth parent. However, the birth father hasn't been located. While this is a little frustrating, there is really nothing we can do. After even a short time in Haiti, we can understand how it's hard to find someone. We are praying for the birth father, that he is able to find work, provide for his other children, and is comforted in his grief.

The last few couple months have been rough. They say that adoption is a roller coaster, and sometimes I think that is a fair description. However, lately it feels like a bad roller coaster, that only goes down and stays down. I know it's not true, but the feelings are still present. The high of meeting them, led to a long downward part. And it just seems like a really long way to the going up part.

I'm starting to see it level out in the last couple weeks. I think I've come to terms with the idea that it might just be another year till they come home. Our process might take two years. I think I was expecting to be spared the 2 year process. I'm not sure why I thought we'd be different. But it appears it might just take that long. And that has been a hard realization. And has left me feel hopeless and frustrated. However, God is faithful, he is true to his word, and he will bring us together. And I've been continually reminded of that.

Lately...

I haven't posted lately. Here are the lame excuses...
-The computer is broke. Again. Shocking, I know. Using borrowed computer. While I loath my computer, I miss it. It's ability to move quicker than the one it's been replaced with. The way the keys stick a little from past breakfast ate at it's side.
-School is starting. While I'm slightly busier trying to keep every ball in the air as we make changes to schedule, I did have time to watch movies last week and do some scrap booking. So this is actually not a valid excuse at all.
-I have net-flix now. Yes, it's a valid excuse. Maybe more than the back to school excuse. Now, I can easily indulge my love of independent, odd movies. As well as British comedies. And reruns of Punky Brewster and The Smurfs.
-I'm doing Weight Watchers. And there is meetings, and tracking, and measuring, and shopping, and walking, and reading, and, and, and... one more excuse.
-And I've been in a funk. I started this blog as a way to express and share our adoption journey, and our families life as we go through it. And lately, I've decided if I can't say anything nice, I won't say anything at all. My momma taught me that. And I think it might apply on my blog as well. I'm trying to figure out a way to share what is going on, how I feel about it, and have it not come across as sour grapes.

I have lots to share, and am coming around to place that I think I can. And as soon as I have my computer back I'll post updated pictures of Re and Er. Lets just say that if it's possible they got even cuter. And pictures of Ce and P. They are getting cuter, but it's balanced with the fact that they live with us. Which is a whole other post. Distance does make the heart grow fonder - and how that affects us as adoptive parents who are separated from our children for so long.

There is good news. After months of saving I was able to purchase my dream camera. A Nikon D90. I'm currently giddy with joy, and already planning on what flash/lens/memory/reflectors/ etc I have to HAVE. So I will be able to easily post pictures of some of the wacky day to day stuff around here. Of course, I did spend 2 hours researching and reading up on photography technique last night. It might also be another excuse why I haven't posted lately.

That my story and I'm sticking to it.