Waiting...

I'm part of a Yahoo group for parents adopting through GLA. It has been such a blessing, connecting with with other adoptive parents who understand Haiti, and our process. As much as other adoptive parents get it, due to the length of time Haiti is taking - it helps having others whose adoption is taking as long as ours. There was a thread about how hard it is to answer questions or respond to silly statements others makes. How that can make the wait seem even longer.
This last weekend, it was hard. Talking about it was hard. Hearing others sympathy for the long wait was hard. Missing them was hard. I was going through the motions with a cloak of sadness of being separated from our children. And here comes a thread that others are struggling with it too. And yet, I couldn't write it out - I was afraid if I started crying I wouldn't stop.
So here is what I wrote, what I learned, how I've grown.
"I've been following this thread, and feeling the same. The waiting seemed to be suffocating me and sucking the joy out of the rest of my life. It was so good to hear that others struggle with the wait, that it's not just us that find it frustrating beyond words. And sad beyond measure to be separate from our babies. And while others try and be supportive, they say things that are so far removed from helpful, you have to laugh. No, I'm not enjoying my time with my other two, to make up for when they come. No, I can't go there and move things along, Nope- no one here to call and ask for help, and No I don't think it will be sooner.
This weekend I had a really hard time, feeling like everything was cloaked with this sadness of missing them. And I didn't post afraid I'd lose it all for good. My dh and I sat down Sunday night to watch Fireproof. Great Movie, but has little do with this topic. Other than this song, While I wait is on the soundtrack. And I wept through it. I realized I was wrapping myself in my sadness and frustration, and forgetting to be faithful to who God wants me to be. A loving wife, a loving mom, God's daughter, ministry leader, a worshipper, a friend, an encourager, etc, etc, etc. And that I can do all those things while I wait. It won't diminish my wait- but I will be faithful to who God designed me to be.
So I kept thinking and hearing that song, and this morning -felt God's nudge to post here and be honest and share what is bringing me hope.Here is the link, close your eyes and picture God sitting next to you as you tell him all your anguish and hurt over your child not being with you. And see the kindness and sadness in his eyes, and understanding that others lack. He was apart from his son too, and has many children he is separated from. He understands better than anyone to love someone so much, and be so far from them. I've been able to recognize that I can wait, because he is next to me waiting too... and asking for my praise and trust during this time. I can serve, worship, grow, trust, love and wait. And from now on when people ask how I can stand the wait, I have an answer. Because I'm worshiping a father who understands while I wait. I'm serving a father who is using this time to reach others, while I wait. I'm growing in my trust and dependence on him while I wait."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc&feature=related