Your derie air

Hey, you - girl in the early twenties. Yes, you - with the shirt that you are trying to wear as a dress. You, with the bottom of your rear hanging out. I know you think your rear is spectacular. I know that you think it's worthy of a second glance. I know you think your hot. I get that you probably work out and think it's one of your best assets (pun intended). But the rest of us aren't impressed. And you, standing next to her. With the top half your rear hanging out over your jeans. If the jeans don't fit over all your gluts - they don't fit. There is nothing attractive about a girl fitting herself into pants that are the 'right' size, that don't actually fit. And funneling the parts that don't fit over the top isn't a good enough answer to that problem. And you, young man. Pull. YOUR. pants up. I can see more hair on the bottom half of you then the top half. NOT GOOD. And you - the woman who looks to be the mother of this bunch. Walk over to that rack of jeans and buy a size 8. You are not a size 4. And it's okay. Really. No Really. No one will judge a size 8 woman for wearing a size 8 pants. But you look silly stuffed in those jeans.

I know that modesty standards have changed. I remember (and know is when I sound old) when body suits were a little racy, for being so skin tight. Now, it seems skin tight is considered normal and appropriate for woman of all ages, in all situations. I get that the style is low rise. While only 1.2% of the population (according to my calculations) actually look good in low rise pants, that means that the rest of you just look ridiculous. Really. I. Know. I can't believe no one has told you before. Especially if you are over about 35. Then it's just downright embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you. No matter how cute your girly body is...35 and low rise with crack showing and a muffin top don't go together. If your 22 at least it's possible you just don't know better. But at 35. You. KNOW. Better.



And men/boys are no better. Really. As a teen, early adult, my guy friends would have been mortified if they were caught with their pants down. It was called depantsing. It was embarrassing. You did it to another person. Now it seems, they do it to themselves. Whatever might be attractive about a woman's rear end, is not attractive about a guys. Sorry. Men's rears are best when nicely covered. In wranglers. Or Levi's. Or board shorts. It really is best if it's left up to a girls imagination. Then she can pretend it's better than it is.



Here is the bottom line. ONLY your significant other, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, finds your hiney attractive. And they are probably just being nice. There is a reason that we all wear clothes. It's to hide the parts intended for us and our partner. Sure it's because it's holy, special, etc, etc, etc. It's also because no one else wants to see your hairy crack peeking above your pants, or your rear jiggly as you walk by.



Okay, I feel better. And no, I'm not jealous. I'm well aware of what I should and shouldn't wear. I'm tired of being subjected to other people's immodesty. Everywhere. Target. Church. Safeway. I really don't like buying grapes next to woman who keeps reaching back and tugging her jeans up a 1/3 of inch to cover an inch of crack. I'd like to shop for toilet paper without the guy next to me giving me full exposure of where he plans on using it. YUK!!
Enough said....

New Post ideas....

Okay, I haven't fallen off the blogger world. Been thinkin - and I've got some stuff that has to get out - and while no one ask for it - this seems to be the place it lands...
So I have post rolling around my head. About UNICEF. About the appearances of butt's. About life with four children. About self preservation. About how well I've gotten to know the pharmacy at Target. First name basis. About nurturing. About support -what is helpful, what is hard.
So I will be back. Watch out, the fog is wearing off. Next up...butt cracks. AGGGHHHH!!! I have to get it out of my system. Soon!

QUICK PRAYER REQUEST

Hey, I have exactly 30 seconds...
Please go read this couples story and pound the gates of heaven for these children.
I have no words for the hell they must be going through- the kids and parents
http://thethackerpack.blogspot.com/2010/02/urgent-prayer.html

These kids need to come home too!!

I love...

In celebration of Valentines day.
I love...
freshly ground coffee, french pressed and served with sweetened condensed milk
fresh sheets on my bed when I crawl into it at night
the feeling of drifting off to sleep as R reads next me
chocolate - dark and rich
hiking
hiking alone
hot springs, even the clothing optional ones
Ce hugs
beautiful photography
the smell of lavender and jasmine
Bentley's four cheese pizza
Er's laugh
the picture of my Nana I took in highschool
the feeling of bread under my hands being kneaded
the sound of frogs
my Dansko's
P's running tackles that we call hugs
reading a really good book
David Crowder Band (I'm really not a stalker, even if their poster is in my kitchen)
watching R hug our children
Re's broken english
antique medical books
a morning with a good friend
warm towels
wood heat

God has provided me with much to love. Created by a God of love, created in his image. I guess he knew we would need to love much in our lives to be complete.

Today we learned

Er needs a humidifier at night to keep her from coughing all night. Hopefully this a short term issue. Re loves the Wii. More than any other activity. Buying his own Wii game was the highlight of the day. Probably week.
I really need to really go grocery shopping. I haven't been since right after the earthquake. A month ago. Sure, I've run into the store and bought bread and banana's. And I'd stocked up. And we've had people bringing us food for 2 weeks. Wait...maybe I don't need to go after all.
The task that were a normal part of life, and caused no cause for concern - now feel overwhelming and I dread figuring it out. What used to be easy, no longer is. A menu that was easy to plan, knowing what everyone would like and dislike, what quantities we would need, and how much it would all cost is now replaced with questions. Will everyone like that chili? How much will I need to make to have leftovers? How much to budget to spend? What kind of yogurt will Re and Er eat? If we went through 2 bunches of banana's before, do we now need 4? Can we eat that many before they go bad? That is the thought process. And I haven't even started a list.
And that is only one aspect of life. There is also dentist appointments. How can we schedule them both, if one of them has to wait in the waiting room? How do you stay with one and go back with another? And then there is school concerts...will they sit through either P or CN's school performances? If not, do we hire a babysitter, or one of us stay home? Weddings, play dates, and so on, and so on. And there is no way to predict their ability to cope in those situations. It's a very unsettling place to be. One that requires complete surrender and trust. To who God is. Who he created us to be. To his process. To his divine nature. What he has began in us, he will complete.

Happy Birthday to You...

This seems to be a new favorite to sing. Over and Over and Over and Over again. In English and Creole. Sometimes it's part English and part Creole. There seems to be no one in particular it is sung to. Ohh...I miss my camera with a video feature. Because I'd love to share it with you.
Here is what else is new. Re has had a few moments of testing and a couple meltdowns. Start off angry and end in grief. The grief that can be tangibly felt in the room. The grief that takes precedence over everything else. And we pray our arms holding him is comfort enough, without trying to fix it.
Er is testing boundaries too. But it seems more in line with normal behavior for a three year old. She ate soup for dinner, picking out the carrots. We thought she was eating them, however they were hiding in her lap. If she could figure out to feed them to the dog, it would solve more than one problem. While her and the dog seem to have worked out a agreement-you leave me alone and I'll stop screaming in your face-she still wants to be the dogs friend. And the dog still can't quite figure out why she is screaming. So if she would stop screaming, feed the dog the carrots, and see that it is a win-win, then it would resolve any conflict that can come between a dog and kid.
Ce and P are doing well. C got to experience Er first biting episode. C handled it well, and next time will move quicker to put her down. Er hopefully learned that biting is an excellent way to spend quite a bit of time in her bedroom alone, and doesn't repeat it. But we aren't betting on that. P had her 'normal' rough morning this morning. But that isn't unusual on a Monday. So I'm chalking it up to the Monday blues, and not the transition.
R and I are hanging in there. We are tired, like all new parents. And we are new parents. While we have parented for the last 12 years, this is a whole new game. And we are fumbling around hoping we don't fall flat on our faces. If we do, I'll be sure and blog about it. The impact this is having on our marriage is as great as when Ce and P were newborns, or the year of grief after my mom's death. We have almost no time together, and what we do have is spent making up a game plan. Beyond that, exhaustion takes over. Conversations aren't finished because sleep takes over. Date nights have long been abandoned. Kisses are saved for before bed, and sometimes we get a hug in the morning. The last 18 months of purposefully investing in our marriage is paying off tenfold. Our communication is limited, but it is happening and is good. We know this phase shall pass and we will both be waiting for each other at the other end.
Now I'm going to go sneak out back for a 8 minute date while the kids are happily watching a movie. We might even make out a little...shhh...don't tell the neighbors.

A difficult post to write

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last couple days. I've been processing it, and trying to decide if I should even blog about it. But I've always wanted this blog to be REAL. To be honest about our adventure, all of it! Not just the fun part. Not just the joy. But also the sorrow. The sadness. It's hard to be vulnerable and admit it's not all sunshine and roses. It's hard knowing that others will judge what I say, and not in my favor. But I feel in light of the sudden onset of people wanting to adopt from Haiti, that I must share ALL of it.
Our decision to adopt was a hard decision. It took a long time. A lot of prayer. A lot of talking. A lot of surrendering. And an acceptance of a calling from God. It was not made in moments of emotion.
And when I hear people dying to adopt NOW, I wonder... Do they really have the facts and knowledge to make that decision. Or are they reacting to the emotions of the last 3 weeks. I know God will use this to stir in peoples hearts. To bring to light the needs of Haiti. I don't doubt that. But adoption is serious business, not to be taken lightly. It's a commitment to parent a child for a LIFETIME. A child that has been traumatized. A child that comes broken in little pieces. A child that God can use your family to bring healing, but it will take alot of sacrifice and hard work. It will impact your other children in ways you can't imagine. It will impact your marriage in a much different way than biological children.
Here is the thing - it's really hard. It's unpleasant. It's hard to watch your children suffer, and not be what they need to make it better. It's hard to struggle to do the basic day to day task with a 7 year old. It's tough to watch the impact on your biological children. You grieve the family that was. You miss the quiet moments in the evenings with your other children. You miss being able to pick up and go do stuff. You miss the simple life that was. It doesn't mean you regret it. It doesn't mean you'd change a thing. But change is hard. Even good change. And sometimes it gets better in a matter of months, and sometimes it never does.
See here is where you have to get to make a decision to adopt. When you can say this and accept it, you can proceed forward. If we adopt, and it isn't a happy forever family, we will accept that. When you are willing to proceed knowing the outcome may be children who never attach to you, but you will love them and make decisions for them with their best interest at mind - then you can proceed. When you are willing to move forward, knowing your biological children may resent you for disturbing their world forever, and may hold it against you - then you are ready to move forward. See, you can read every book, listen to every pod cast, talk to every adoptive parent and do everything that it recommended - and still have children who don't attach, biological children who resent it, and a strained marriage. Because they are people. And people don't always follow the 'rules'. When you are ready to accept a less than ideal outcome, you are ready to start moving forward. Otherwise you will be disappointed. There is no ideal outcome in adoption. Ideal for these kids is a lifetime in their birth family and birth country. Anything less than that is settling for them. You aren't a family coming to rescue them. To save them. There is no white horse to ride in on. No matter how sad they look in the news. The wailing of grieve of all they lost will easily make the image in the news look pretty. You are their second choice. You are the compromise for them. They may love you, but you will never be entirely enough for them.
But obeying a calling isn't about a pretty outcome. It isn't about an emotion, or pursuing happiness. It's about becoming who God intends you to be. It's about trusting and surrendering, even when the situation makes you want to react in your own power. It's trusting God to heal them. It's trusting that while you are a compromise, they will find love and peace with you. It is trusting that the sorrow will be replaced by joy, by a God of restoration. It's about creating a family in the way God called you to. It's not a reaction to a crisis. It's not a quick decision to rescue a poor orphan from their awful birth country. It's a decision that should be made after much research and prayer - these kids in Haiti deserve that. They have already lost too much, they can't afford adoptive parents who didn't understand what they were getting into.

Mysteries solved...

We couldn't figure out why we were suddenly going through soo much toilet paper? Really, two more kids couldn't mean a roll more a DAY?? And then Russ caught Re washing his hands, rolling out a big ol' wad of toilet paper and drying his hands on, placing it in the toilet and flushing. AHHHHH....we have towels for that.

Today was a rough one. For everyone. Honeymoon period appears to be ending. Already. Really hoping it would have lasted a little longer. Sibling fights are breaking out. Time-outs are happening. And we are praying that it all feels normal at some point. Soon. would. be. good.

We also discovered that people who handle poop for a living are underpaid. The gathering of stool samples has made us realize that poop really is GROSS.