Things not to say..Part 2

I've heard from a couple friends about the 'Things not to say' post. Situations they have ran into. And again, I'm amazed that people have no boundaries. I think that as we share our stories, people assume it's okay to ask or comment on anything. Since your sharing anyways...please satisfy my curiosity about......

So Part 2...
Couple are biologically unable to have children. Painful, Painful situation. *disclaimer - this is not our situation - so I'm risking it on a limb and thinking it through as I would.
-Why don't you just have your own? Have you tried that? Nope - we haven't been to doctors, had our hopes up and then been disappointed, tried painful procedures and come to the painful conclusion that it wasn't meant to happen that way. (I used painful alot, because I can only imagine how painful it must be). But we are excited and hopeful about our current situation. We are grateful to have a family in any way God provides. But thanks for reminding us that people think it's not quite good enough. That it would be somehow better if we could have just had done it 'naturally'.
Instead - I'm sorry you've had such a long, hard road. I'll pray for the floodgates of blessing to pour out over you.

Couple have chosen surrogacy. *disclaimer-not I, and not something we ever had to consider. However, I believe families are made in many different, blessed ways. And many different people come to be parents through different journeys. And they are all called blessed. Surrogacy is even more amazing to me, because it means a third person has to be willing to sacrifice and look beyond themselves that is truly inspiring to me.
-Did you have sex with the woman carrying your child? Hmmm...while that happens outside of the medical profession on occasion - that is a pretty big assumption to make. I don't really know what to say to this. Just assume that they did it the way it's medically done. Specimen in a cup, petri dish, insert fertilized egg into surrogate, and there's a baby (okay it's a little more complicated than that). Done in a medical office, with a doctor. Not in a hotel, having fake sex. There is nothing to say instead - just don't say anything. They will share the process as they feel comfortable.

Couple have a few biological children and have adopted a more. People hear news that they have adopted another one.
-Aren't you done yet? Don't you have enough children. You're getting to old.
Really, since when do we get to judge if someone is done building their family. As long as the kids are loved, cared for, and they are financially solvent, so what? I didn't realize there is a cap on the number of children Americans can have. I didn't realize that the right to judge this has been given to your family and friends. Assume that they know their limits, and be joyful for them. Regardless if it's child #1 or #10, the joy of a child is the same. Be happy for them, keep your opinions about their families size to yourselves.

I also have said a few things at times I wish I could take back. I've been the ding-dong who said something hurtful or insensitive. We all have and will. After the last two years, I will be alot slower to judge someone else's motivations and decisions around how they build a family. And I'll spend alot more time listening to people's stories, and hearing their pain and joy, than determining if I can agree with their decisions. And that will serve me well in all area's of my life. Another lesson learned through this process.

And to those family and friends from the above situations, I'm sorry for your pain. I'm happy for your JOY. And I pray that our little story brings you hope.