Bittersweet

Bittersweet is the best word I know to describe how I currently feel. There is a double edge to everything. Where there is joy, there is sorrow. Where there is happiness, there is sadness. I knew it was coming. However, I don't know how you prepare for it.
The holidays are bittersweet. I'm glad to see family, but I hate explaining why our kids aren't here. I'm thankful for so much, but my family is incomplete. I love spending time with my kids, I hate being away for my kids.
Watching friends adoptions come to completion. So excited for them. Overjoyed for them. Nothing but LOVE that they are holding their children. Soo sad that it's been so long since we've held ours. Soo sad that there isn't a clear end in sight. It doesn't take away the joy we feel for them. It's just bittersweet. It brings us hope that adoptions DO create families. The process does end. It will be our turn one day. Just wish it was NOW.
Living in tension. That is where God can be met. The tension makes us grow. Causes us to expand beyond our own limitations. I want to wallow in the sorrow. I want to throw a party in the sadness. But the JOY pulls me out. It requires more of me. God requires more of me. It's not just about me.