2010

What a year the last year has been. Last year at this time I could not have imagined what the following 30 days would bring.
To be honest, since my mom died in January eight year ago, I've always spent the last week in December bracing myself for the month to come. It's got a history in our family. And generally it's not a time period I look forward to. People die in January in my family. Last year, we were just praying for no bad news in January. We had no idea that just around the corner was a life defining moment, unlike any we could have imagined.
In retrospect, what have I learned from the last 12 months. A lot, and very little. The more I learn of God, the more I realize I know soo little. But in an attempt to not lose the lessons, I'm going to try to summarize them. Which probably won't work. I can get a little long winded.
-God is a God of COMPLETION. What he begins, he finishes. It may be in a different time frame than we wish or not the outcome we had hoped for, but he does complete the work. His desire is that we surrender to his completed plan, not our own.
-God will provide. Ok, we knew that. What we didn't really understand is that the means he has to provide is through each other. He doesn't drop balloons of money out of the sky, although he could. He ask that those who love him, to show up with food, clothes, money, or just a hug. And when they do, he is present in all those encounters. In the moments when we hear his Holy Spirit say, "Give to them, Give here, Hug them, Bring them dinner, Buy them groceries, Give them the kids coats." That is God providing for those who love him, by those who love him.
-God is the Healer. We are not. He will restore our children's trust. He will heal the wounds of abandonment. He will build the strands of attachment. We need to show up and do the work, be obedient to him, and love the kids with all our might. But he is the healer. He heals through every hug, every cuddle, every time out, every time we stay present in the grief and allow them the safe place to let it out. He deserves all the GLORY in the progress our kids have made.
-Marriage is not easy when your both at a level 7 stress all the time. It changes the dynamics between you, and you will need a whole new level of understanding and grace to get through it.
-God's word is the main source of spiritual nourishment. That when you live in a level 7 stress level, you better be eating well. I've also learned that God's word in not meant to be taken in antidote moments, one verse here, one verse there. It's a story to be understood in it's entirety. It's God revealing himself, in each encounter with us, and each encounter teaches us something. However, if you really want to see a complete picture of God, you have to see all of it. This has been an important spiritual foundation that I'd been missing.
-Church, especially the American church, is quite honestly disillusioned. It isn't biblical, and quite happy to stay that way. It has chosen what of the bible to teach, to apply to itself, and is largely just a reflection of the American culture, and not a reflection of Jesus. I don't mean to offend, but we can't ignore how Jesus called us to live, and how the church calls us to live, and the huge gap between them. This is really another post, in and of itself. So I'll leave it there.
-Peoples true characters come through in crisis. We learned this year, who was willing to show up and be present, when it was ugly around here. We learned who just wanted some of the attention. We learned to let go of the relationships that were unhealthy, as we came to a point where there was no more energy to give them. We learned that when we release those relationships, it frees up space to allow other relationships to grow.
-People will make assumptions about you, based on a small amount of information. Don't take it personal. Those assumptions may be positive or negative. Don't take either too seriously. Their opinion isn't the one that matters.
-Love doesn't require the other person to love you first. Real LOVE doesn't. Christ like love, loves when it's not returns. Christ like love, loves when there is anger and frustration. Christ like love, forgives without being asked. Christ like love, says I love you, knowing there is no I love you in return. That the real test of love, is loving someone who doesn't love you back. Loving in the pain. Loving in the anger. Loving in the impossible.

That sums it up. It's been a big year for our family. I'm attempted to pray for a quiet year in 2011. But I'm afraid that God might just give it to us. And as nice as it sounds, I don't want to waste a year in complacency. I want God to move mountains in 2011. I want to be part of miracles. I want to be part of where God is working. However, it's not about what I want. So instead we surrender to his completed plan, whatever that may be.