Christmas

I don't know if I have the language to describe the last 3 days. It was all I hoped it would be, and more. There were moments that were perfection. Moments of holiness. Moments of understanding and comprehension. Moments that brought me to tears, and more than a few that brought my soul to it's knees.

God is a God of completion and perfection. It's hard to see and comprehend that in our broken, ugly world. Christmas time reminds me gently and softly that he came to save us from this ugly, mean world. And he came in humbleness. He came like no man would have come. Like only God would. Completely humble and perfect in it's plan. And that he came knowing that most would not respond. And yet, for those who would, he came. And stayed. In the mundane, everyday, messy moments of our lives. And then that he'd use me to reveal himself into this world- that brings my soul to it's knees in humble understanding.

And that he is coming. That we are not meant for this world for long. That Christmas is also the anticipation of his return, and the return of all things to how he designed it. Without the ugly, without the broken, without the pain. Christmas time with family and friends, with gifts being shared, food being enjoyed together, past hurts and current pains being put aside for a day, reminds me of what is to come, not for a holiday season, but forever. The feast to come is reflected in the softness of the warm yeast rolls, the savory elk steak, the favorite glass of wine, and the perfectly made fudge. The Christmas Eve service, with corporate worship that filled my spirit with longing to see my Jesus, is a small sampling of what is to come as the saints march into the New Jerusalem. That the hugs and sweet conversations with family and friends, will be but a shadow of the perfect and complete relationships we will share for eternity. Christmas makes me remember and long for what is to come.

Now, what most of you really want to know about - the kids. Christmas was exciting, and I believe it rose above all their expectations. They were thrilled with opening presents and all the attention. We enjoyed watching them in their excitement. We enjoyed the sweetness of their mere presence this year. We saw God's provision and grace poured out on them and us. They soaked it all in, and my prayer is that the last three days solidifies even more how loved, desired, and anticipated they were. Re especially has wanted to know what we did for Christmas when he wasn't here. Knowing we had his stocking from 2 years ago, and his ornaments from the last 2 years, helped him to understand how much they were ours before they came home. And how deeply entrenched they are into our family. Er was just content knowing those presents under the tree were for her. Ce and P were thankful that while some things were different this year, many things were the same. And that the things that were different, were better. They reaped the benefit of parents who were able to be wholly present in their Christmas this year.

As for R and I, well...this year has been anticipated for many years. Four to be exact. For four years we had children that weren't home for Christmas. That weren't home to pick out the tree, decorate it, put presents under, bring home the nativity coloring sheet from church, wake you up Christmas morn, or snuggle in your lap in new pj's. Every part of Christmas was mixed in sadness, for what was missing. The sweetest of this year, was the fulfillment of God's promise to us. God's promise four years ago when we began this crazy process to have more children. God's promise when I left them in Haiti. God's promise in January, when all hope seemed lost. God's promise in the moments when it was too hard, when grief was all we saw, and God's healing touch was the only solution. He has shown up. In mighty and grand ways. And we aren't deserving. Trust me, we aren't. We aren't deserving of any of it. It is by Jesus humbleness and grace, his willingness to come down and be our Savior, that our cries are heard. It is his humble, gentle presence in our individual hearts and our family, that healing is happening. It is HIM who moved mountains. It is HIM who is healing. It is HIM who has blessed us. We are humbled. Daily. Christmas just bring the focus back to HIM. In remembrance and anticipation.