Okay - so please take this with a pinch of salt. Or sleepiness. Or cynicism. Or something. It is meant to just be a way for me to process. NOT a personal attack on any of my friends.
So with that said...here goes. It seems that adopting two black children from a third world country is the ticket into the popular crowd. It's been really odd to me the amount of people who now want to be our friends. Who now want our kids to be friends. Who suddenly realized we are a 'cool' family. Except that we aren't. We are a tired family. We are a stretched to our limit family. We are a family that stays home simply because it's a heck of a lot easier than leaving.
So, if we decline your dinner invitation, or playdate offer - please understand. We don't have time or energy to be your friend right now. We are barely hanging on to our friends from before. Especially those who get where we are at. We don't want to pack our family up and come to your house, it's too much work for what might be a dud of visit. And since we don't know you, we don't know if it's worth it. So we are likely to just say no. I'm sure your a nice family though.
And I know we seem really amazing...after all we did this amazing thing (insert sarcasm) and you would love to get to know us. But we actually were amazing before. The fact that we endured 15 months separated from these amazing kids - that it actually alot more amazing to me than that we parent them. And quite frankly- we were a amazing family then. But you weren't interested then. So again, don't take it personal if I'm not in a hurry to take you up on your offer of friendship now. And please don't use the word amazing to describe our family. Grace is amazing. A person being found alive after 28 days is amazing. Were just a family God revealed himself through.
I also find it weird, appalling, frustrating and sad that you find it necessary to 'make' your children be friends with mine, because it would be really neat for your kids to have friends that are black, adopted, Haitian, or whatever difference you are most interested in exposing your kids too. I am much more interested in my children finding friends they enjoy being with, without being a learning opportunity.
So here is the bottom line - if we were friends before. As in, spent intentional time together - I'd love to connect. If you've adopted, and/or have some life experience we share, I'd love to get to know you. If you think our family is cool, neat, amazing, and would like to share a part of it I'd like to invite you over and have you enjoy an afternoon of cleaning of perpetually peed on toilet, calling insurance, and for a finale we can call USCIS and ask about citizenship. Interested still - well then you are just crazy enough to be my friend after all.
One year ago.
10 years ago
3 comments:
Hey there Anita and Russ! Good to see your newest blog.....I have EXACTLY the same feeling as you, for all people that now think I am AMAZING or COOL ENOUGH to want to be my friend now that I've lost all that weight! Its funny, two totally different experiences, but the same result, I now have all these people that want to be around me or part of my inner circle, because NOW I am 'acceptable'.....disgusting isn't it?? Hey, just wanted to remind you in case you forgot, your family picture on the front of your blog, is missing a few of my little cousins....when you get time!! (and just so you know, I thought you guys were pretty 'amazing' before, and even MORE amazing now!! Love you guys! Christine / Wyoming
Anita, you put yourself on the news and you asked people to PRAY. When you pray for someone, they take a place in your heart. When you see God move mountains for something you prayed for, the situation/people move even deeper into your heart. You don't know how many other people, many of whom you still do not know personally, have gone to the feet of Jesus for you and your family. You are in their hearts. Before you wanted it and now you are turning them away. yikes. Perhaps these "people" don't necessarily think that you are cool but think that GOD is cool for all that He did and want to get closer to a family that was in the spotlight shining for HIM. He allows people into our lives for a purpose...and that is so we can point them to HIM. As much as we would like to crawl back into our old friendships and be comfortable, perhaps there are new people in your life now that need to see and hear about HIM.
Life will never be the same as it was before. It is different now. But one thing is the same. It MUST continue to be about Him if we continue to be His follower. May we become less and He become more.
I love ya girl. We are on this journey together.
Jen,
Yes, I agree completely with all you said. And yes, we asked people in. And we are grateful and humbled. However, it is still weird and a little off putting to have people, who didn't give you the time of day before, suddenly want you to be thier new friend. Invite themselves over to your messy, chaotic house, and expect you to host them. Or pack up your family and visit their home when you are barely making it to bedtime many nights. When another mom tells you she wants to arrage a playdate because it would be good for her son to have a black friend, I think it's okay to be frustrated by the situation. Again, I said take it with a grain of salt, because none of this is perfect or even close. And it's not those who offered prayers and support that frustrated me.
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