Isaiah 43:1-7

Isaiah 43:1-4.
But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers; they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze...
Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you."
Here is what I heard...
Anita, this is God, your loving father. I created you to do this. When you are on the plane, and the anxiety hits, I will be with you. When you are overwhelmed in the airport, I will be there. When you have to leave your children, and grief overwhelms you - you will not be swept away. When the pain of saying good-bye burns deeply- you and your children's hearts will be protected from damage. Your children and you, are precious to me, honored by me, and I love you. I will be there, every step, every deep breath, every moment of joy, and tear of sorrow. You can do this, and I'm not asking more of you than I know you are capable of.

I posted back on June 1st about this passage, and how God used it to comfort me before we left. I haven't followed up with the rest of story. You see, God knows we forget. He knows we get overwhelmed and lose the feelings of promise. And he knows when we need comfort.

On our last day in Haiti, I woke up and could feel the grief trying to crowd it's way into my day. I felt it trying to suck me in. Trying to steal the joy of being with my kids. Trying to hold me back from falling even deeper in love with them. I could hear the words of deceit, "Don't get anymore attached. It's going to be so hard to leave, don't make it worse. You aren't strong enough. You can't endure this. This is just a mean, crappy process, and really unfair. You didn't sigh up for this." I could keep going on - but I think you got the idea. It was turning into a full fledged pity party, and I was the special guest.

And I went downstairs to get breakfast. I was a few minutes earlier than everyone and was wondering aimlessly around the kitchen. Trying to get a bearing on my day. Trying to find the strength to eat breakfast, go hold my kids, and then fly away from them. And I stood in front of the fridge, and there was a magnet. For a missionary family - with Isaiah 43:1-4 on it. I about fell over. This isn't the kind of verse you'd think to send out to all your family and friends asking for support. It isn't the verse that people readily quote when your in a rough spot. But there it was. "When you pass through the waters, I WILL BE WITH YOU. When you walk through the fire, YOU WILL NOT BE BURNED." In that moment, God wrapped his arms around me, held me up, gave me hope and reassurance. It was almost a physical sensation. I squared my shoulders, a smile flooded my face, and I exited the pity party.

And as I sit here, writing this the tears are flowing. It was such a powerful moment, to know that this process will not scar us. Not me, and not my children.

As I write this, 'While I'm waiting' is playing. This is my anthem for this long process.
'While I'm waiting - I'll serve you, While I'm waiting,-I'll worship, While I'm waiting- I'll will love.' And I will trust that God is present in all of it. In the moments of pain, of joy, of hopelessness, of happiness, of separation, of reunion. He has promised it. When you pass through the waters - I WILL BE WITH YOU. And I pray that somehow - our growth, our witness of God's faithfulness shows the world he is truly trustworthy.