We are going to Haiti

GOOD NEWS ... we are leaving June 15th to visit Re an Er and do paperwork in Haiti. While we won't be bringing them home this trip, we are overjoyed to visit.
I have lots of thoughts on it, and am still processing them. I'll spill them at some point, I'm sure. In the meanwhile, here is what is also going on.
-C returned from Outdoor school. P and her took a whole 10 minutes together to have a fight. Then they were grounded for the day. Then they both went into meltdown. Oh, and I was on the phone with a nice lady from the bank. The bank we are asking for a loan from. A loan to adopt. I think she wonders if that is a good idea.
-It's sunny today and should be during this three day weekend. That I foolishly grounded my kids for. What was I thinking?? I should have sent them out to pull weeds instead.
-Russ and I had a great 'marriage retreat' last weekend. We have homework to do. TNT- Two Nice Things (with no expectations ) and another 'talking' assignment. I've done one nice thing-took him a coffee to work, and plan on giving a foot massage tonight. I'm not sure what R has done. Unless he considers telling me he is naked under this clothes is suppose to count. Which it doesn't - because of the 'no expectations' clause to the assignment.

I swear I'll write more about the upcoming trip. What we can expect, what we will do while we are there, and why the trip is worth it.

Exciting News!!

Last Week we recieved news that our file has been approved by IBESR. That is Haiti's 'social services' department. We were overjoyed, and to honest, very surprised. We hadn't even considered it a possibility to have it exit IBESR before the summer. It's all about low expectations. So we are onto Parquet. While the orpahange said it could take 2-9 months, we're planning on the 9 months. And praying to be shocked one day to get an email before next Feb that it's moved on.

The other exciting news...I woke up with a burr in my bonnet to get somethings done around the house I've been neglecting. Like cleaning the fridge. And shredding the piles of papers I've got hanging around. And cleaning the fridge, because it's now beyond gross. I'm a little scared of what I might find.

I also am going to be making some calls today that will help me to set my summer schedule. I've been really feeling God asking me to stop being in a one-sided relationship with him. All take, no give. All about what I care about, only a little of what he cares about. Time spent when it's time for 'church'. Church being a social event. So many thoughts on this I don't even know how to articulate.
But I know he wants me to care about what he cares about. The sick, the poor, the needy, and be prepared to get messy about it. Not just write a check. Not just pray about it. Not just think about it. So I'm going to be making calls to see how where I can be used. And I truly believe I will spend more time with God there, than I have anywhere else.
I also feel drawn to schedule time with God. Not just 15 minutes of 'bible study' and not making sure we make all the church events. But a day with him. Walking with him, talking, reading, just being with him. The relationship (besides God) that is most important to me is R. And I schedule time for us to be alone. To talk, to walk, to just be in each other presence without distraction. And it has occurred to me that this is a very necessary thing to do with my relationship God. It feels funny to 'pencil' God into the calendar. Okay, I'll write it in pen. He's God, he's always with me, and yet I find that if I don't actually create a space in the calendar it's too easy to have the days fly by and feel like I haven't had time to really connect with him.
It has come down to a point where if it can't be bigger than just doing the church, bible study, and giving thing, then I can't do it anymore. Because I know he wants more than that. He wants us to LOVE being with him, and just him. He wants us to LOVE him enough to meet those who he loves even if they aren't who we love. And I deeply desire more than that. One a soul level, that desires nothing more than to be the beautiful woman God created.

So exciting things are happening around here. God is really challenging me, really asking me to walk away from my comfort zone- and not look back. And it's the most exciting place to be. On a soul level, to know you are working to be the person you are created to be. Knowing you are are going to meet your Creator in a whole new way, and get to know him in a completely different way than ever before.

Motherhood

Ten things I just love about being a Mom...
1. Holding my kids, smelling their hair, and snuggling
2. Hearing about their world, through their own unique perception
3. Watching them discover how to be kind, loving, and compassionate and how good it can feel
4. Seeing my husband as a father through their eyes
5. The lessons in grace, forgiveness, and love that come as I try to figure out this parenting gig
6. The sound of them coming through the door after school
7. Hearing them laugh, giggle, snort and come unglued by something funny
8. Learning to play and have fun all over again
9. Watching them discover God, how much he loves them, how much he adores them, and how to love him back
10. The unconditional love they have for me, and our family

Ten things I just looove (insert sarcasm) about Motherhood
1. Skid marked underwear in the laundry
2. Homework woes - Sunday night bedtime declarations of homework yet undone
3. Pee on the bathroom floor
4. Meltdowns over small details
5. Moping because they didn't get what they think they 'neeeeed'
6. The judgement we as mothers are so quick to dish out to each other
7. Endless laundry
8. The arguments from disagreements over parenting differences
9. Endless laundry (I really loooove doing laundry)
10. The truth that it will end someday, and while I'll always be a mom -they won't always need me.

Happy Birthday P!!

Oh my, she's eight. How did that happen? It was just last week I was bringing her into this world. All natural because she just couldn't wait for an epidural. I should have known then what was coming.

A child who was born with her own agenda, not to be deterred, wild eyed, ever busy, perpetual motion child.

A child who has to have underwear that is really tight, and wears a size 4t Hanes no tags underwear ONLY.

A child who stands and stares at me until I wake up, only to ask if she can have a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Which she has had for the last 5 years every Saturday am. So I can sleep in.

A child who runs with wild abandon, to hug/tackle you.

A child who absorbs science books, and wants a lizard party.

A child who would rock our world, make us question everything we know about parenting.

A child who would cause us to stop and notice how a caterpillar moves.

A child who would climb the tree in the front year at 2 simply to see if she could.

A child who loves with every ounce of her being, and who also fights with every ounce of her being.

A child we couldn't love more.

Happy Birthday, my little whirlwind.

Today's Adventures....

1. Wasp in the house. Guess what? Raid Ant and Roach Killer does NOT work on wasp, however does adhere to flooring swimmingly.
2. Daycare kido colored on bed with Duramax marker during nap time. Murphy's Oil Soap does take it off. But it takes a long time for a 5 year old to do it.
3. Only 5 days until the girls church production and P's birthday party. My bro and sil are coming to stay. Spare bedroom is a wreck. Takes a 30ish year old woman days to get in order. Hopefully less than 5 days.
4. Today is the last free evening to finish up shopping for said party, and for R to take P out for dinner. It's her birthday dinner, and we don't any day closer to her actual birthday, which is Friday. You should see my outlook calender - it looks like a box of crayon's threw up on it.
5. I have a gazillion things to do - and I'm blogging instead. That ought to help. And I have a play date planned for every morning this week. When do I become popular?
6. P is screaming at a daycare kido to stay out of the grass. It's a miracle of God that she has lived to almost 8 - but it might be up for grabs if she makes it till Friday at this rate. When I asked her to stop yelling and come in and practice her music -she yelled at me and proceed to kick her flip-flops across the kitchen. It's up for grabs if she makes it till Friday folks.
7. I am determined to walk today. It's beautiful, my legs are aching for a workout, and my stress level is so high I'd like to take the bottle of wine with me to drink as I walk. Some days I miss my old job, with adults who don't color on your furniture, yell at you and kick shoes around, and a paycheck that included retirement and a Christmas fund.
8. I think the wasp is finally dead. Ant killer does works it just takes 23 minutes. And shaking the jar hard. Hard to know which really did the job.
9. Laundry - I think I forgot to switch the laundry today. Clean underwear are overrated anyways.
10. Only 80 minutes till I can blow this joint, with wine bottle in hand, MP3 player on and pure blessed solitude for 45 minutes.

Birthday wishes...

My birthday was yesterday. And my family and friends made me feel very special and loved. My dear R, gave me a card and cake. Despite us being in the middle of a heated debate*. My BF stopped over and dropped off a beautiful potted flower, a card, a COKE (a real one, forget the diet) and a warm delights. I've never tried the Warm Delights, and it might have been better if it had stayed that way. My dear MIL called and wished me a Happy Birthday, which is also a first. My sil, my sis, my dad all sent me well wishes. My small group at church actually sang to me. Next year, I'm asking them to refrain as my gift.

Anyways, the best part was this. C and I went to Bare Minerals, and had makeovers. I hear it's the best. And she was so cute getting her make up done. We then went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, and it was so fun. And while we were getting our makeup done, the 'artist' gave her this large crystal. It was was a sweet gesture and C seemed to really enjoy it. On my birthday, she gave me a little gift bag, with the crystal in it. It had attached a long string, and she explained it was for the new van. Ahhhh....how sweet. So despite the fact that she can make me want to pull every last hair out of my head (and I have ALOT of hair) she does still have that sweet, giving, and loving spirit. And the hope of that is by far the best birthday gift I could have received.

*really means- arguing, rolling eyes, and going to bed angry. We have a marriage retreat coming up to work on communication skills. A much needed opportunity.

March Update

So I'm a little late. I realized I'd better get March pictures of Re and Er posted, before April's are here.

This update was tough for us. We were expecting it the week before we left for our vacation. And it didn't come. So we packed our computer, who wasn't drawing power from it's cord. We managed to get it fully charged, but would only have battery to run off of. Every day we hopped on, checked email, and got right off. Well, after we posted on facebook. And no update. Every day it was disappointing. I don't think we realize how much we hold our breath waiting to hear about them, until we can exhale as we read that they are doing okay. On friday, in the hotel lobby we had an update. And it was late for good reason. And the orphanage has changed the week we are recieving our updates. It will now be the last week of the month. I think it might have changed for March, and we just didn't get the memo.

They are soo stinkin cute. The brown eyes, the fuzzy hair, the chocolate skin, and not to mention the dimples. Oh, the dimples.





I dreamed the other night of meeting them the first time. Of holding Er, or squeezing her and hearing her laugh. Of picking up Re and him being almost too big to get off the ground. Of his hand in mine as we walked. I woke in a state of pure joy, followed by a sense of grief that was overwhelming for a moment. One of those moments when you wonder if you will drown in the pain of it. And then I got up and took a shower, brushed my teeth and anchored my feet deep in God's promises. The waves assaulted all day, but I am grounded in truth. Because when grief comes a callin, you learn to just stand in the waves and the tide eventually goes back out. And it did. And at times it feels like grief as we wait. I've been through grief, and it's very similar.





You grief the moments of childhood you are missing. You grieve tucking them in at night. You grieve the days you miss. The day they write their name the first time. The everyday moments that you are apart. And you grieve for them. Knowing that to be together, they loose everything they know. And you grieve that it can't be different. And you grieve your loss of power to do anything about it. It's a very humbling journey to walk. Not for the weak of spirit.





On a side note - my birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to find some excitement for it. I'll let you if some turns up.

I will say this... I can't look at this picture and not smile. A huge smile. The flip-flops on the hands, the little girls grip on the one in front of her, and Re's smile. And the little boy in the background, looking like he's warning them. Because a crash does look immenient. But that is what the 'hand guards' must be for.