FUN Stuff

Just a few fun updates...
-We have citizenship papers for Re and Er. They are legit to be here for as long as they like. And to come back if you they don't like it and leave, and discover it wasn't so bad after all. Or if we decide to fly them out of USA boundaries, we can bring them back. Or if we move out of country, we all can come back and visit. (All of which are possible)
-After an hour and 15 minutes at the eye doctors, the conclusion was this: Three oldest children all really want glasses. All three oldest children have perfect, or better than perfect sight. All three children are disappointed by this SAD news. Mom is standing back, shaking her head, remembering the trauma of ugly 80's glasses at age 9. Youngest child, clueless about glasses, will be receiving a pair of bright pink/orange pair in a week. Other children insanely jealous. Mom does not remember her siblings being jealous about her great rose colored glasses she received as her first pair. Mom thrilled to hear she is a candidate for Lasik -even though she now has very cute green pair of glasses. A morning of irony.
-Er is feeding the dog, three days worth at a time. Which explains why the dog food bill has increased three fold. And why the dog is having a harder time jumping up on the bed.
-School is going well. Homework is being done with minimal complaint. So far no late turn-ins. It is October, so I don't expect this to last.
-We have made an exciting decision for our family. Out of conviction, and a desire to be more of the people and family God desires for us; we are now attending Solid Rock, A Jesus Church. While we are missing our Dayspring family, it is with their blessing we have moved on. We are excited about what God is doing at Solid Rock, and feel blessed to be a small part of it. We are taking the next 9 months to just grow. To be prepared to serve. This is the first time in 10+ years we haven't actively been involved in ministry. But God has been clear - this year is a year of preparation. We are excited to see what God is preparing for us. We have no idea, but our prayer is that he'd be preparing the work of our hands, as he prepares our hearts.
-The cool thing about going to church in Portland, we are already in Portland once a week. So we might as well take advantage of it, and do the fun stuff Portland offers. I'm always thinking, we should go do this, and then we don't because it's sooo far away, in Portland. But since we are already there, it's not so far away anymore. So if you have any ideas, of cheap or free Portland places or events, let me know.

Well, time is up. Er is helping herself to cereal. Kids will be running through the door, and I won't be able to put a whole sentence together.

Hole in our Gospel Chapter 4

Okay, I've read the entire book. But blogging it seems to be taking me much longer. But this process of putting it in, and then putting it out seems to be cementing it in. Which is exactly why I stalled in the process. This isn't easy stuff to put in and then put out, and cement in. To say this has been life changing is an understatement. Some of which we are not free to share on a public forum as of yet. So it's hard to blog honestly, while not being able to be fully honest. I either spew it all, or keep it in. Alot like vomiting. Either it stays down, or it all comes up. Yep, blogging is my brain and heart vomiting over the Internet.

So I continue on with Chapter 4 - holding back a little.
Isaiah 58 summed up...
God "I see you going through the motions and how people are impressed, and yet I'm not happy with you. I want more than your attendance at church, your tithe, your fasting. I want you to care. To care about those who are oppressed, hurt, poor, and naked. I want you to bring my kingdom to them, and when you do - I WILL SHOW UP."
The other part, the part I'd like to gloss over is quoted here by Richard. "So he suggested in this passage something that ought to stun our own beliefs about prayer-that because of their hypocrisy, He would not even listen to their prayers! We take it as foundational that God will always listen to our prayers, but this passage suggests that we should not expect God to listen to prayers offered by insincere hearts." WOW - that sends shock waves of fear and awe through my spirit. He is the GOD of the UNIVERSE - he is not obligated to listen to me whine about needing more, when I'm not doing his work. How often I've prayed and wondered if God was just saying no. Now, maybe he was saying, "I'm ignoring your religiosity, come to me when you are ready to hear me above your whining, I got work for you to do and then I'm going to blow your mind."
Richard then goes on to break down Matthew 25. So here I am feeling awfully convicted. Not because of what Richard has written, but because of what Isaiah says. And then, there is this Matthew 25. The summary...God is coming back, and all will stand before him. He will sort them out into two groups. So far so good, I'm thinking. So I'm thinking it's got to be -Those who believe in Christ, those who don't. Those who are written in the book of life, those who aren't. Those who are ashamed, those who aren't. But it's not. The two groups are these - Those who feed the hungry, cared for the poor, visited the prisoners and those who didn't. The righteous and the unrighteous. As determined by how they treated other humans, the least of these. Righteousness determined by how we LOVED those who were hurting, and in turn LOVED him. And the amazing promise to the righteous- You are blessed, you have an inheritance, and I've prepared a place for you in my kingdom. And to those who turned their back on him, as they ignored the hurting - the promise is equally powerful. 'Then they will go away to eternal punishment".
So God sees past our outer appearances, and when our hearts aren't lined up to his, he may choose to ignore our petitions. And when our hearts are lined up with his, when they are broken for what breaks his, and we do something about it, he promises to 'you will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.' And when we stand before him, we will be judged our not just our church attendance, but if we did something about what breaks his heart. That is how he will know we loved him.
It's not earning our way into heaven. That is through grace alone. However, if we are in relationship with God, and our hearts are becoming like his, it will show up in our lives in the way we treat the least of these.
This is what I come away with, personally.
Anita, you say you love Jesus. And if church attendance and tithing is good indications of that - then your golden. Unfortunately, they are not. They are not bad things, and are certainly necessary. But don't be content with them alone. God is not. He asks more of you. He ask that you love him tangibly, here on earth, by caring and loving the least of these. And if you do, he has an eternal reward. If you don't, know that there will be a time of accounting. And your earthly excuses will be sooo lame in light of the throne of heaven, and the tribes of the nations. So just a little convicting. Alot convicting. And we have been praying for answers about what to do with that conviction. And some of the answers have been quite painful. Some have been surprising. Some are still unanswered. At this time, we know that we are not doing what God has commanded of his people. I know that most would consider us to be quite okay in this department, adoption and all. But I've come to realize we will not be judged against other Americans. If so, we are probably pretty safe. Nope, we will be held up to the light of the throne of God. And surrounding us will be the tribes of the world. So we may be standing next to the African widow, who regularly shared her food with the orphan. Or the Chinese man who risked his life to give a bible to his neighbor. Or the missionary in a third world country who lived with the physical restraints and discomfort that comes with that. In light of that, I hang my head in shame. Covered by the blood, but with an awareness of the patheticness (not sure if that is really a word?) of what is going to come out of my mouth when I stand before him and account for my life.
So prayer about what is next. . . wish I could share more. Wish I had more answers, but right now there is just alot of questions. But God is preparing us for something. The answers we have are challenging and are testing us for something.

I wrap up with this quote, Matthew 25 put into modern language and culture by Richard.
"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

Busyness...

Oh how it's been busy around here: REALLY, REALLY busy...
here is the good news-
-we have an appointment for immigration in September. Once we go and present our documents, turn in the forms, get fingerprinted and write one more big check, then we should have two new American citizens amongst us!
-we are preparing for school. R has made significant progress in reading comprehension, and math this summer. P is excited to be able to see her friends daily. CN has also made progress in math this summer, and hopefully will continue the progression to grade level in the next year.
-we spent a long weekend with my family, and got to introduce R and Er to my childhood home. They swam in the same spot in the river, ate at the truckstop and got to go fishing with Grandpa.
-we enjoyed a fabulous visit with the famous Joyce and Molly- famous to those GLA families. They are two of the most beautiful woman, and their hearts for our children is unbelievable. They brought some of R and Er's belongings from Haiti, as well as coffee and ketchup. The visit seemed to be a turning point with R, and he has been more open to connection than ever before.

Six Months Ago...

We were on a plane headed to Miami. Our kids would be flying out that evening. We were tired, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. We were trying to figure out how one prepares, and realizing they don't. We were trying to figure out what the next 24 hours would involve. We didn't have any idea what to expect. We didn't expect this...



Er pees in the shower. Not while taking a shower. Pulls her pants down, squats over the edge and pees. Explains the smell that I haven't been able to get rid of in that bathroom.



Re just caught a spider in his bare hands. A good size one. He asked to keep it. I said no. So he smushed it on my counter. The take it outside part only came after it was dead. His explanation, "My mom didn't want it."



Re was watering the roses. Er wanted a turn. She walked right up to him. Right up the stream of water. And then got mad at him that her tank top was wet.



All four kids share a room to sleep. They sleep in different arrangements. They sleep in different spots. It's not unusual for there to be someone on our floor. Sleeping arrangements are very fluid right now.



That there would be over $5000 in just medical and dental expenses after insurance. Okay, this we should have known, but we just didn't really give it too much thought.



How exhausted this process of transition is. On them, on us. How much energy it would take to meet the basic needs on a daily basis. Forget the extras like laundry and dishes. How much it would take out of us emotionally to see our children in so much pain.



That our children would struggle with missing Haiti so much. I said I knew that. I thought I knew -- I could not have. That I'd feel so inadequate in those moments. That I'd be so helpless. That there would moments I'd doubt that this benefited them at all. Or was just really selfish on our part.



That our marriage would change. Not like when we had biological children. Not like other life changing events. But that we would both be so changed by our new life, our marriage would have to change to survive.



That these last six months would make us rethink everything we thought we knew. About parenting. About marriage. About loving God. About church. About serving him. About following him. About obedience and trust.



I've said all along that adoption is not for the faint of heart. If that is true, than parenting adopted children are for the warriors. The kind of warrior that goes to bed exhausted, wakes up exhausted, but puts on the gear to fight another day, knowing the battle at hand matters. The kind that steps up to the front lines and says, "I have won the battle, for MY God promises it to be so." and then holds a grieving child. The kind of warrior that says to her leader, " I do NOT understand, but I will GO and DO that which you ask, trusting your supreme understanding."

I'm learning how to be that warrior. I'm learning how to lay down my own desires, for the good of who I serve. I'm learning how to not only love my children, but to be the mother God desires me to be. The woman God created me to be. And it's hard work. It's draining, and some days I think I can't do another day. And then the cry of my heart is heard by the God for the universe, and I have the strength to continue on. That we are adopted by him, and not just brought into the family, but parented. Encouraged, disciplined, loved through action, and being grown.

Hole in our Gospel ... Chapter 3

Yes, I skipped blogging chapter two. It's a run-down of Richard Sterns own personal journey to CEO - how God orchastraed it. But I'll come back to it at the end of the Chapter 3 rundown.



Chapter 3 -

You lack one thing...Matthew 19:16 -the story of the rich young man, who Jesus sees past his desire to be patted on the back, and calls to his attention the condition of his heart. Putting myself in the story, it goes something like this...

I'm talking with Jesus, "So what am I doing that will assure my good standing with you in heaven?" I'd be thinking, I have this figured out. I do bible studies, although I could do better- he'll probably mention that. I go to church regularly, and rest on the Sabbath. I tithe, and technically I give on my gross income not my net - so I've got the whole giving thing in the bag. And I pray. I talk over decisions with God, and am willing to follow his direction. No new car, okay God, I'll wait. I've got this Christian life figured out. In my self righteous bubble, he'd use me as an example.

And Jesus would give me a few seconds, look into my eyes and say, "If you want the life I have for you, follow the laws God has given you." And I'd gulp, because I'd remember Leviticus and Numbers. But then I'd think of Grace, and the freedom from the law. I'd look him right in the eye, and in all seriousness say, "Which ones?"

And when he replied, "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother and 'love your neighbor as yourself'" I'd sigh in relief. Because I've been pretty good at those, and Grace covers when I've failed. And I see Jesus looking at my unexpectedly, hoping I'll take it one step further. Hoping I won't be satisfied with the safe answer. Hoping I'll desire more.

And I do, so I ask, "What do I lack, Jesus?" And I expect him to say, "Your good." And the Jesus I've been taught all my life, would say that. But Jesus in Matthew 19 says something completely different. He looks at me, at my $100 shoes, and $4 coffee's and says, "Go, sell everything you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." And I picture him a little sad as he says it, knowing that my response won't be one of enthusiasm. It will be one of appall. What - sell everything?? Follow you, WHERE?? Isn't that irresponsible. Irrational. Unreasonable. He'd see past all my good intentions, all the times I served with false pretenses, all the times I choose to spend time doing my own thing instead of his, he'd see what my heart really desires. He'd see my plans to gather more stuff. To earn more money. To be more successful.

And the young man in Matthew 19, turned away sad, because he had great wealth. He couldn't surrender it all. And when I read this story before I thought, I'm not wealthy. I live simply. We have a modest income, just enough but not too much. We give. We aren't the wealthy. But then I went to Haiti, and we are the wealthy. And this story took on a whole new meaning.

I agree with Richard, God doesn't ask all of us to sell everything and move to a third world country. But he does ask for absolute surrender. A willingness and readiness to do just that, if he should ask. A order in our lives that puts him so far above all else, that selling everything is a simple sacrifice. That our lives would be about eternal significance instead of worldly success. And I've been that rich young man, who turned and walked away. It was too much to give up. His terms were too great.

The Prayer of Jabez....
I've read this book. It concludes that if we pray for God's blessings, we will receive them. If we pray for an increase, God will provide one. Do A - Get B. Back when I read it, there was a gap in it. Why didn't the martyrs pray like this? Wouldn't God have spared them? Why don't the poor in third world countries pray this, and God will change their situation. Why are there really godly people that can't pay their bills after a job loss. Maybe because God's blessings aren't what we consider blessings. Maybe his increase is different than our increase.

Frodo and The Ring of Power...
Ahhh...Frodo...just throw the ring in the hottest part of the fire. Let it go. Don't put it away. Anita, give up the house, the balance in your bank account, the security of regular income, and the $4 coffee's. Ummm...I'd like to keep at least one of those. The years I grew up poor, left a wound on my heart, that longs for the financial security and lifestyle in a deeply spiritual way. That makes the thought of living without - terrifying. On a core level. That can't be satisfied with a pat answer. That needs much, much more than a cliche to allow me to let go of the ring. That will need the power of who God is. And our financial situation currently is requiring me to deal with this anxiety. And I don't like it, frankly. Because I got enough to do. But God clearly is offering healing to this wound. And I'm reminding myself daily to surrender to him ALL things. To throw the ring in the fire, to let it go.

Richard ends the chapter with the story of how God wove together situation after situation to clearly define the path ahead. And how he became broken during the process. But back to Chapter two. Richard is counting the cost of taking the CEO job at World Vision, and he gets down to brass tacks. And as I read this, I heard my own voice saying the same things. "But, Lord, I don't want to do this. This will wreck my life. Don't send me to the poor, Lord- anywhere but there. But I can't do this, God. Not poverty, slums, hunger, disease, dying children, grieving parents - don't ask me to go there, Lord. Not into so much pain and suffering and despair. In those few seconds, all of those issues flashed through my head, because, you see, in my heart I knew what was at stake. God was asking me that day to choose. He was challenging me to decide what kind of disciple I was willing to be. Two decades earlier I had bet the farm on Jesus Christ and now he was asking me to hand over the deed. What was the most important thing in my life? He wanted to know."

And God is asking me through this process- Anita, are you willing? Really willing? God is doing something. He is preparing us for something. I'm afraid most days to be willing to even ask what it might be. I'm afraid to let my mind wander, to where he might take it. And yet, you either are willing to surrender completely, or you aren't really following Jesus. Jesus, that looks into our hearts condition and demands more than we can reasonably give. Because he doesn't just want 'Christians'. He wants people who love him, to love others. And that will require surrendering our all to him. It would require a surrender that could cost us everything earthly. A wiliness to change our definition of success from the worlds view to a eternal view. Sounds easy enough, until you start thinking about selling your home you love, giving up the job you've worked for, and choosing to be so different that your family stages an intervention. Suddenly, surrender has a really high price.

Absurd....

Things I find personally absurd....

-that we have so much stuff that we will pay good money to someone else to store it.
-that we will pay over $10 to see overpaid actors pretend to be someone they are not, in a story that could not possibly happen, and leave thinking we were entertained. (Why yes, I do have tickets to see Eclipse...just because I find it absurd doesn't mean I don't participate occasionally)
-the cost of lettuce, over a dollar a head, since I grow lettuce I find this really crazy. Let's not talk about the $3 bag of lettuce, that doesn't even taste like lettuce
-people texting while in church, a meeting, or on a date. Is whatever is going on in your hand more important than what is going on right in front of you?
-the notion that as a Christian writing a check is the same as loving a person
-a purse and shoes that cost hundreds of dollars - because it has a certain name on it
-Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, etc, etc, etc...
-That people spend good money to find out about Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan. For the same price as the magazine you can buy toilet paper. A much better use of the money.
-Crap in a box, bag, or tin. I know we are all in a hurry to make dinner. But Hamburger Help** is really just noodles, spaghetti sauce and ground beef. And cost the same. And taste so much better. (Don't get offended if you eat Hamburger Help**, I just don't get it. But then again, I grow my own lettuce)
-Justin Beiber - who the heck decided he could sing and should be paid for it?? Our standards are so low it's pathetic. Your cute and can pull off this new hair style trend we'd like to start, here is a recording contract.
-Thank you notes. Well, more specifically feeling like you need a handwritten thank you note, when you were there when the gift was given and were told thanks. I know that it's probably considered rude. But if I give you a gift, and you look at me and say "Thank You, I love it." that is good enough for me. I prefer that.
-People who wear clothes that clearly don't fit them. It's crazy that we put so much pressure on each other to be a certain size, that they are willing to squeeze into something that causes their fat to explode in all the other place. But darn it, they wear a size 6. They do, really...
-Crayons that are made for two year olds. That require their own coloring books. What is wrong with the big box of crayons with the sharpener in the back. Those are the 'fancy' crayons.

What do you find absurd? What makes you roll your eyes and laugh inside? What makes you wonder about the fate of the world?

A Hole in our Gospel, Chapter 1

Baada Bing, Baada Boom...this book starts off with the gloves off.
Summary - God didn't send Christ to die for our sins, so we can have and offer a get out of hell card. His intention was much, much more. It was that there be a new world order, where the blessed would be the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the hungry and brokenhearted. That those in the kingdom of God, would create a revolution, that turned the world upside down. But that we have taken that gospel, and reduced it down.
"I believe we have reduced the gospel from a dynamic and beautiful symphony of God's love for and in the world to a bare and strident monotone...In doing so, we have also stripped it of much of it's power to change not only the human heart but the world." I've lived this watered down gospel. The problem - it doesn't set well in your soul as you get to know God. You can't come closer to God, and still believe all he cares about is the amount of commitment cards turned in after a revival. "Didn't Jesus always care about the whole person-one's health, family, work, values, relationships, behavior toward others-and his or her soul?"

Richard goes on share about a friend who cut all the verses out of bible that pertained to poverty, wealth, justice, and oppression. It was shambles when done. This is the bible I've been taught. Many of the passages, I've never heard before. I grew up in church. Bible loving churches. I attended AWANA's. I went to Sunday School. I've taken bible study classes. And for the most part they have skimmed over the call to care for those who are broken by poverty, illness, disease, and oppressed. And I can't remember a sermon in the last 5 years at church that taught on any such topic.

But ultimately it isn't the church's responsibility for me to hear God's call. Although the church must be accountable for what it teaches, to a degree. There is tension there that is explored later. But the bottom line is now I know. I've seen the whole gospel. I know that God's heart is more than just a raised hand or an alter call. It's a life changed, from the power of his promises. And from that a desire to love the people he loves. And a love that expresses itself in action.

The burning, million dollar question...now that I know, what do I do? What is the action? How am I love the poor? How am I serve? Because I'd like to make this about the church and how it's failed. It's a lot more comfortable than facing my own apathy. Facing that I've read a bible that is full of holes. Perfectly content to focus on the passages that are comforting and pleasant. He is my rock...oh yeah. I'm a new creation...ummm...love that. Streets of gold, no more pain and suffering...bring it on. Feed the starving...okay, wrote a check to Compassion this month. Clothe the poor...does donating to Goodwill count? Love the lepers...good thing leprosy can be treated now. Give all I have away, because it's easier for a camel to fit a needle than a rich man to get to heaven. Getting really uncomfortable. Because I'm pretty sure, that is me. And it's most of the people sitting next to me on Sunday morning.