If you got to watch this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you didn't,
here is the story. It's heartbreaking. It's devastating. It's WRONG! It makes me angry. It scares me. It makes me angry again. Angry for the children. Angry for the birth parents. Angry for the adopting parents.
This is the reason why adopting internationally is risky. It's the reason signatures are double checked. It is the reason birth parents should be interviewed. It's the reason both governments MUST act responsibility. It is the horror story of any parent who adopts. That they one day will discover their child is not truly theirs.
It's the story of adoption in Samoa. The adoption of children who were NOT true orphans. The story of a organization that lacked integrity, and two governments that failed the children involved.
Focus on Children acted wrongly. They lied. They elaborated. They weren't honest with birth parents or adoptive families. They called adoption a 'program'. They promised the children would return. They promised pictures and updates to the birth parents. They LIED.
They lied to adoptive parents. They said their children were orphans. That they had no family to care for them. The deceit is sickening. And what is even more sickening, there were questions about the integrity of the program - and it continued. Until a child died.
And children were telling their new parents about their birth parents. Birth parents that didn't exist. That shouldn't be remembered. And then it was too late to fix the mistakes.
And then, 57 adoptive parents are faced with a difficult decision. What is best for the child? Return to the birth family, living in less than ideal living conditions (according to our American standards)? Or a life here in America? With privileges and opportunities not available otherwise. Do you right the wrong? Traumatize the child again? If you were the birth parent, what choice is right? If you are the adoptive parent, what is the right choice? Who legally has a 'right' to this child? Do we have 'rights' to another human? What is the criteria to make such a decision?
One family took their daughter back to Samoa to visit. And left without her. Because it was right for her. She belonged with her family, her birth family. One family vows to fight for their child. To hold up their end of the bargain, to be a forever family - no matter what. One family is encouraging and allowing a relationship with the birth family. I don't know that one answer is better than another. Hopefully it's what is best for each child.
I have a friend whose children went back to the birth parents. Not here in the States, with CSD overlooking these parents. Not in a country with social services to be sure there was at least food on the table. Not in a country with safety nets. Heartbreaking, and yet joyous. Heartbreaking for her. Joyous for the birth parents. They are able to have their family complete. And yet, there is a part of my heart that wonders what life they would have had here, instead of in a third world country.
This story is a sad testament to the fact that adoption is a business. It's a financial and legal transaction. Albeit, an emotional one. And it's a business that MUST be properly overseen. There must be checks and balances in place. There must be oversight that keeps this from happening again. In another country. With other children.
And while I wish my kids were here now, I wouldn't want to bypass all the legal checks and balances in place. They matter. They reassure me and my kids- they truly were orphaned. Their mother really did die. Their father really couldn't care for them. The father understood the decision he was making. He agreed this was best for them. He choose this for them, as a loving parent. This is also the reason to choose carefully, wisely, and prayerfully the people who will be facilitating your adoption. No judgement on the adoptive families involved in this story. But more a lesson learned. And a reason to be thankful for the process that is in place to protect my children.
